THE FIFTH ELEMENT
by Horny-bimbo
Summary: Characters - Legolas, Chloe, Pippin, Gandalf, Saruman. BRIEF - Aragorn, Galadhriel, Frodo, Bilbo, etc.


**FADE IN:  
**  
**1 EXT. DESERT NILE RIVER VALLEY - DAY  
**  
**Somewhere in the Nile at the edge of the desert.**

**EGYPT 1913  
**  
**_OMAR and his mule zigzag along the bottom of sun scorched dunes._**

**2 EXT. TEMPLE EXCAVATION - DAY  
**  
_**The mule and the boy finally reach a camp. A few tents dwarfed by a huge**_  
_**temple door jutting out of the sand. The camp is deserted except for**_  
_**some kids by the temple entrance holding large mirrors, reflecting light**_  
_**into the temple.**_  
_** Omar leaves his mule in the shade, seizes two goatskins and slips inside**_  
_**the temple.**_

**3 INT. TEMPLE - DAY  
**  
_**Omar makes his way uneasily down a pillared corridor that opens into a**_  
_**vast room where an old scientist stands on a small wooden ladder in front of**_  
_**the wall across the room. PROFESSOR BILBO BAGGINS. A young man is beside**_  
_**him, FRODO BAGGINS, age 25, an American student. He has a large sketchpad in**_  
_**his hands. Behind them AZIZ, age 10, whose job is to hold the last**_  
_**mirror which shines light into the expansive room.**_

** PROFESSOR  
** (deciphering)  
"..when the three planets are in eclipse.."

**_ His fingers trace across the wall which is covered with symbols and_**  
**_strange hieroglyphs as he deciphers._**

** PROFESSOR  
** "..the black hole like a door is open...  
Evil comes ... sowing terror and chaos..."  
See? The snake, Frodo. The Ultimate Evil  
... make sure you get the snake!

**_The Professor points emphatically to the snake, the symbol of Evil,_**  
**_coming through the door between the three planets in eclipse. C.U._**  
**_Frodo's hand sketches the snake quickly. He is a natural artist._**

** Frodo  
** And when is this door opening snake act  
supposed to occur?

The Professor's fingers touch the signs.

** PROFESSOR  
** ..if this is the five... and this the thousand..

_** He calculates.**_

** PROFESSOR  
** Every five thousand years..

** Frodo  
** (kidding)  
So I have some time..

_**He reaches for the pad.**_

_** ANGLE ON: Omar. Standing at the entrance to the chamber with the water**_  
_**bag, entranced by the sight. A skeletal hand falls on his shoulder. Omar**_  
_**turns to an ancient Gandalf in a rough milled black cannock.**_

** Priest  
** I will take it to them my son.

_**Startled but obedient, Omar gives the water bag to the Priest.**_

** Priest  
** Go with God.. be safe from Evil..

**_The Priest makes the sign of the Cross on the boy's forehead, dismissing_**  
**_him._**  
**_ As soon as he is gone, the Priest turns a worried eye to the Professor._**

_**ANGLE ON: The Professor is back to translating, Frodo to sketching.**_

** PROFESSOR  
** "..then arrange the elements of life against  
the Terror just so.."

**_His fingers run on._**

** PROFESSOR  
** "..Water..fire..earth..air..four  
elements around the fifth.."

**_ His fingers fall on the one element that has a human shape, surrounded by_**  
**_all the others._**

**_ The Priest opens the water skin and begins to pour a vial of powder into_**  
**_the skin._**

**_ ANGLE ON: Aziz falling asleep. The mirror falls, the light fails._**

** PROFESSOR  
** Aziz! Light!

_**The boy struggles to stay awake. The mirror comes up.**_

** Priest  
** Lord forgive me.. they already know too much..

** PROFESSOR  
** "..in which all the history of the Universe resides  
..all the strength..all the hope..Protect us from  
Evil.."

** Priest (V.O.)  
** Amen..

**_The Professor turns to the Priest who is pouring water into a tin cup_**  
**_from the skin._**

** PROFESSOR  
** Father.. it in the most extraordinary thing..  
the greatest find in history..can you imagine  
the implications.

** Priest  
** Only too well... here you must be  
parched..

**_He hands the cup to the Professor. The Professor takes it, has it almost_**  
**_to his lips when.._**

** PROFESSOR  
** I mean look.. it is like a battle plan..

_**In his excitement he does not drink, much to the Priest's chagrin.**_

** PROFESSOR  
** Here the Good.. Here the Evil..

_**As the Priest looks up, Aziz the mirror boy, tips his mouth under the**_  
_**water skin, drinking the leakage.**_

** PROFESSOR  
** Here..

**_He points to the Five Elements._**

** PROFESSOR  
** A weapon against evil. Amazing! I am  
going to be famous.

** Priest  
** Then let us toast to your fame! Here Frodo..

_**The Priest hands Frodo a cup.**_

** Gandalf  
** Drink!

** PROFESSOR  
** To fame.. salud..

_**The Professor raises the cup to drink, and then...**_

** PROFESSOR  
** We cannot toast with water.. Frodo !  
In my sack.. the Grappa!

**_The Priest watches, disconsolate, as the Professor tosses away his water._**  
**_Frodo finishes his cup before running off into the tunnel._**

**4 EXT. COLONNADE - DAY  
**  
_**A muffled SOUND grows steadily louder. Outside, a monstrous linear shadow**_  
_**disturbs the kid's game and gradually darkens the temple entrance.**_

**5 INT. TUNNEL - DAY  
**  
_**Frodo is looking for the grappa in the Professor's bag. He comes upon a**_  
_**machine pistol. When the muffled SOUND suddenly grabs his attention. He**_  
_**leans toward the corridor and sees part of a spaceship appear. Frodo is**_  
_**paralyzed.**_

**6 INT. TEMPLE ROOM - DAY  
**  
**_The Professor keeps reading over the inscription._**

** PROFESSOR  
** "..this perfect person.. this perfect  
being.." I do not understand this.. perfect?

** PROFESSOR  
** Where is that boy? Frodo!

**7 INT. TUNNEL - DAY  
**  
_**Frodo presses himself against the wall, in the shadows, terrified, but**_  
_**sketching away like mad, as large shadowed figures lumber past him. He**_  
_**begins to blink, feeling the effects of the Priest's potion..**_

**8 INT. TEMPLE ROOM - DAY  
**  
**_The Professor reads the wall._**

** PROFESSOR  
** And this divine Light they talk  
about.. what is Divine light?

**_At that moment, the reflection from Aziz's mirror drops again. The light_**  
**_fails._**

** PROFESSOR  
** (without turning)  
Aziz light!

_**The room is flooded with light all of the sudden.**_

** PROFESSOR  
** Better.. this is the most unbelievable thing  
I have ever seen..

**_The Professor turns around, and is stunned speechless to find himself_**  
**_face to face with two MONDOSHAWANS. A dozen others fill the hall manning_**  
**_the source of the light, large luminous globes. Aziz is fast asleep._**

** PROFESSOR  
** (uncomprehending)  
...Uh, yes?

**_The Professor is lifted up and carried off to the side by the aliens._**  
**_The KOMMANDER stops in front of the Priest who is still on his knees, face_**  
**_to the ground._**

** Gandalf  
** Master... He was about to discover everything,  
but I had the situation under control.

**_The two MONDOSHAWAN GUARDS hold the professor three feet off the ground._**

** PROFESSOR  
** (in a panic)  
Who are you? Are you Germans? Sprechen  
Sie Deutsch?

**9 INT. TUNNEL  
**  
_**Frodo staggers forward, a machine pistol in his hand.**_

**10 INT. TEMPLE ROOM  
**  
_**The KOMMANDER holds out his hand to the Priest.**_

** Gandalf  
** What did I do wrong?

_**The Priest jumps to his feet excitedly.**_

** KOMMANDER  
** Servant, you and the thousand guards  
before you... You have done your work well,  
but we have to recover the elements. War will  
soon engulf your planet. We must keep them safe.

_**The Kommander goes over to the wall and seems to be looking for a lock.**_  
_**He finds it and slides in his metallic finger which is more intricate**_  
_**than a key to a safe. He turns his hand, activating a mechanism that opens**_  
_**the wall.**_

** PROFESSOR  
** Unbelievable!

_**The Kommander turns around and crooks a finger. One of the MONDOSHAWANS**_  
_**waves his hand, puts the professor to sleep and heads down the hallway**_  
_**revealed by the opening. He is followed by his men. The Priest slips in**_  
_**behind them.**_

**11 INT. ROOM 2 TEMPLE - DAY  
**  
_**The Kommander steps into a vast room. The ceiling is very high, pyramid-**_  
_**shaped. In each corner of the room, four vessels contain four**_  
_**rectangular twelve-inch stones-, the four elements. In the middle, an**_  
_**opaque sarcophagus rests on an altar. The Kommander stops and**_  
_**contemplates it a moment.**_

** Priest  
** (to himself)  
The Fifth Element...

** KOMMANDER  
** Take them and put them in a safe place.

**_His men carry out his order._**

**12 INT. ROOM 1 TEMPLE - DAY  
**  
**_Frodo staggers across the floor,._**

**13 INT. ROOM 2 TEMPLE - DAY  
**  
_**The Kommander opens a case. His men come and put the four, precious**_  
_**stones in it, one by one.**_

** Priest  
** (moved)  
Will the elements be gone now forever  
from this place?

** KOMMANDER  
** When mankind comes to its senses.  
We will return.

** Priest  
** Knowing mankind as I do, that could take  
centuries!

** KOMMANDER  
** Time is of no importance, only life  
is important.

**_The Priest nods and lowers his eyes._**

**_Angle on: Frodo staggering forward, raising his pistol, blinking his_**  
**_eyes to focus.._**

**_A MONDOSHAWAN puts the fourth element in the case The Kommander shuts the_**  
**_case and looks at the Priest._**

** KOMMANDER  
** When EVIL returns so shall we.

** Priest  
** (head lowered)  
We will be ready, Lord.

_**Frodo suddenly staggers into the room, brandishing his gun.**_

** Frodo  
** Stop.

_**Frodo trips, the gun goes off. He empties the clip. The Mondoshawan**_  
_**carrying the case crumples to the ground. The wall immediately begins to**_  
_**close. Frodo fires wildly, unable to control the powerful kicking gun.**_

** Priest  
** No! Don't!

_**The Priest rushes Frodo. The weapon has such a kick to it that Frodo**_  
_**starts shooting into the air, backs up, then stumbles and knocks himself**_  
_**out. The Priest is on the ground, seriously wounded. So is the Kommander.**_  
_**The WARRIORS are in a panic.**_

** CLERK  
** Hurry, Kommander! The wall's closing!

_**The wall continues to close. Sand pours in from everywhere. The vast**_  
_**room fills up like an hourglass.**_

** KOMMANDER  
** A mission is a mission, Savoia.  
You'll learn that.

**_The Kommander picks up the case and reaches the wall but can't get_**  
**_through it. His_**  
**_armor is too bulky, the opening too small. He manages to get his arm and_**  
**_the case through._**

** KOMMANDER  
** My apologies to General Kroi - and my wife..

_**The wall closes, crushing his arm. The CLERK scoops up the case and runs**_  
_**through the huge piles of sand.**_

**14 EXT. COLONNADE - DAY  
**  
_**The CLERK boards the ship carrying the case. Omar hides in a corner,**_  
_**frightened to death, hugging Frodo's bag of drawings.**_

**15 INT. TEMPLE ROOM - DAY  
**  
_**The room fills with sand. The Priest's body is soon buried.**_

**16 EXT. DESERT - DAY  
**  
**_The huge ship's main hatch closes._**

**17 EXT. TEMPLE - DAY  
**  
**_The ship lifts off and speeds away. Omar emerges from the temple gaping_**  
**_at the ship as it vanishes in the sky._**

**18 EXT. PYRAMIDS  
**  
_**A gigantic shooting star flashes above the pyramids.**_

**19 EXT. EARTH ORBIT  
**  
**_The ship passes in front of us and heads for the stars disappearing at_**  
**_unbelievable speed. The background is a star-spattered cosmos._**

** WRITTEN: 500 YEARS LATER  
**  
**_Another, more modern, spaceship, fills the screen. A warship belonging_**  
**_to the Federal Army._**

**20 INT. SPACESHIP CONTROL ROOM  
**  
**_CU of a digital control screen. Three planets projecting three straight_**  
**_lines that crisscross at one point. Identical to the one observed by the_**  
**_professor on the temple wall. GENERAL STAEDERT looks out through the_**  
**_ship's window at one of the three huge planets in eclipse._**

** STAEDERT  
** Don't you have anything? Not even  
a temperature?

** CAPTAIN  
** The thermo-analyzers have jammed.  
One of them reads over a million degrees,  
the other's at minus 5000...  
Never seen anything like it.

** TECHNICIAN  
** It's taking shape.

**21 EXT. SPACE  
**  
_**In the middle of the shadows, a door to the nightmare has just opened.**_  
_**Evil is back. A round, moving mass, continually changing colour.**_

** CAPTAIN  
** (in awe)  
What the hell can it be?

** TECHNICIAN  
** Hook-up with the president in one  
minute, General.

**_General Staedert remains calm._**

** STAEDERT  
** ...Send out a probe.

**22 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE MANHATTAN  
**  
**_LINDBERG, 50, the president of the United Federations, his features lined_**  
**_and worn by various delegations, mainly military, enters his office._**  
**_There's a crisis in the air. The President's AIDE leans down to his ear._**

** AIDE  
** On air in 30 seconds.

**_In the middle of the group is a Priest whose appearance reminds us of_**  
**_Egypt. A younger man Pippin, 18, shy, a priest-in-training attends the old_**  
**_man._**

**23 INT. CONTROL ROOM / PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** CAPTAIN  
** President on line sir..

_**General Staedert leans over his screen and seems surprised to see the**_  
_**room but not the president.**_

** PRESIDENT (O.S.)  
** Staedert, do you read me?

** STAEDERT  
** I can hear you, Mr. President, but I  
can't see you.

**_The President grabs the mini-camera on his desk and yanks it around to_**  
**_face him._**  
**_His face fills the screen._**

** PRESIDENT  
** (exasperated)  
Is that better?

** STAEDERT  
** Perfect, Mr. President.

** PRESIDENT  
** I have to address the Supreme Council  
in 10 minutes.  
Just the facts, General.

** STAEDERT  
** There are no results from the chemical  
and molecular analysis as of yet, all the  
calibers are overshot..we're hoping a  
thermo nucleatic imaging..

** PRESIDENT  
** (exasperated)  
What you are saying is you don't know  
what this..thing..is.

**_Consternation reigns in the President's office._**

** STAEDERT  
** Not yet Sir..The only thing we know is  
it just keeps getting bigger!

** PRESIDENT  
** Options.

** STAEDERT  
** Wait or act.

** PRESIDENT  
** Recommendations.

** STAEDERT  
** My philosophy Mr. President is shoot first  
ask questions later.  
I don't like uninvited guests.

** PRESIDENT  
** Gentlemen?

** HEAD CHEMISTS  
** I think it would be foolish to shoot at an  
organism that seems alive, without first  
taking the time to study it more!  
Besides, it has shown no signs of hostility.

** PRESIDENT  
** (worried)  
No... it's just getting bigger.

** HEAD CHEMISTS  
** So do people, but that's no reason to shoot  
them.

** PRESIDENT  
** (exasperated)  
The security of the Federated Territories is  
and remains number one priority.  
(to the military)  
I suppose General Staedert's "philosophy" is  
acceptable to you?

**_All the Generals nod "yes"_**

** PRESIDENT  
** All right, then! Staedert?

** Gandalf (O.S.)  
** Mr. President?

**_The President scans the room. Staedert remote controls the camera toward_**  
**_the room._**

** PRESIDENT  
** ...Yes?

**_The camera moves up the Priest and we finally discover his face. He is_**  
**_in his sixties, a shrewd look in his eyes._**  
**_Around his neck hangs the Kommander's finger, the key to the temple._**

** Gandalf  
** Gandalf. 50th level parish.  
I have a different theory to offer you,  
Mr. President.

** PRESIDENT  
** I'm listening.

** Gandalf  
** Imagine for a moment that this. thing is not  
anything that can be identified because it prefers  
not to be, because it is the antithesis of all we are.  
Because it is evil.. TOTAL EVIL.

** PRESIDENT  
** (a little sarcastically)  
One more reason to shoot first eh?

**_All the Generals nod in agreement._**

** Gandalf  
** Evil begets evil, Mr. President.  
Shooting would only make it stronger.

**24 INT. SPACESHIP  
**  
** TECHNICIAN  
** The probe will attain its objective in  
five seconds.

**_Staedert moves closer to the ship's window._**

**25 EXT. SPACE.  
**  
**_Evil swallows the probe and immediately bubbles over with activity like a_**  
**_furious volcano._**

**26 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** STAEDERT  
** Mr. President, we're at crisis point.

**_The President looks puzzled._**

** PRESIDENT  
** Your theory is interesting Father but  
I don't think we have time to go into it  
right now!

** Gandalf  
** Time is of no importance, Mr. President.  
Only life is important.

** PRESIDENT  
** (exasperated)  
That's exactly what we are going to try and do:  
Protect the lives of some 200 billion of our  
fellow citizens! General?  
You may fire when ready.

**27 INT. SPACESHIP  
**  
** STAEDERT  
** (cold) (to the CAPTAIN)  
..Up front loading of a 120 ZZR missile.  
Marker lights on the objective.

**28 EXT. OUTSIDE SPACESHIP  
**  
**_All of a sudden, outside the ship, the strange planet's activity ceases._**  
**_A black crust immediately covers it._**

**29 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** SCIENTIST  
** (consulting new data)  
Its structure has just solidified on the surface,  
as if the object felt something. If that's the case,  
we are undoubtedly dealing with an intelligence.

** Gandalf  
** The most terrible intelligence imaginable,  
Mr. President.

_**The President hesitates.**_

** CAPTAIN  
** ...The ship is in combat formation.  
The missile is loaded, General.

** PRESIDENT  
** (uneasy)  
Staedert? Give me a minute...  
I have a doubt.

** STAEDERT  
** (cold)  
I don't, Mr. President.

**30 EXT. OUTSIDE SPACESHIP  
**  
**_The missile explodes from the ship and penetrates its target. The_**  
**_explosion is swallowed like a fizzy pill in a small glass of water._**  
**_Nothing happens. And then the mass grows larger._**

**31 INT. CONTROL ROOM / PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_Staedert looks worried._**

** STAEDERT  
** Load a series of 740 missiles. Maximum  
shield protection.

** CAPTAIN  
** Yes, Sir.

**_The President is growing ever more worried._**

** PRESIDENT  
** Staedert? What's going on? Did you  
destroy it?

** STAEDERT  
** I'm about to, Mr. President.

**32 EXT. SPACESHIP  
**  
_**A series of three missiles heads for the planet, which absorbs them all.**_  
_**And literally doubles in size.**_

** SCIENTIST  
** The planet's diameter has greatly  
increased and it's moving toward the ship.

** PRESIDENT  
** Staedert? Get out of there immediately!  
I don't want an incident, do you hear me,  
Staedert?

** STAEDERT  
** (worried)  
...What do we have that's bigger than 240?

** CAPTAIN  
** Nothing, General.

** PRESIDENT  
** Staedert, get out of there! That's an order!

**_A bead of sweat pearls Staedert's forehead. He is about to give an order_**  
**_when a gigantic flame emerges from the planet and literally swallows_**  
**_Staedert's spaceship._**

** STAEDERT  
** (eyes wide)  
... Good God!

**_The flame fills the screen with a horrendous NOISE that..._**

**33 INT. APARTMENT  
**  
**_... wakes up a man trying to escape from a nightmare. Legolas Greenleaf rubs_**  
**_his head. Twenty five years old, blond hair, powerfully built,_**  
**_unquestionable charm, good looking in spite of the scars here and there._**  
**_The alarm clock is still ringing, it shows the date as March 18, 2359. It_**  
**_is two in the morning. He grabs a cigarette, and stops to look for a_**  
**_light. He shuts off the alarm. He hears a cat mewing in the hall. But it_**  
**_still rings. Legolas takes a moment and then realizes it in the phone_**  
**_that is ringing._**

** Legolas  
** (to the cat)  
I'm coming.

**_He grabs the phone and crosses his tiny apartment (27 feet long by 6 feet_**  
**_wide) heading for the door, patting himself for a light. Behind him, the_**  
**_bed makes itself automatically._**

** Legolas  
** (on the phone)  
Yeah?

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** Hey bud! Aragorn here.

**_He opens the door for the cat and starts to rummage through a drawer for_**  
**_a match. Out come a handful of war decorations, a hero's collection._**

** Legolas  
**(to the cat)  
Hi sweetie!

**_...A Medal of Honor Certificate to Major Greenleaf_**

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** I love you too Major, but you haven't called  
me that since basic training.

** Legolas  
** I was talking to the cat.

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** Oh, yeah, I still prefer  
your cat to the real thing.

**_...A picture of Legolas and his ex-wife on their wedding day._**

** Legolas  
** At least, the cat comes back.

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** (ironical)  
You still pining for that two timing bitch.  
Forget her.  
There are a million women out there.

** Legolas  
** I don't want a million - I just want  
one. A perfect one.

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** Don't exist bud.

**_...A picture of Legolas and Aragorn in uniform next to a space fighter._**

** Legolas  
** I just found a picture of you.

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** How do I look?

** Legolas  
** Like shit.

**_Legolas finds a box of matches with three matches. He strikes one. It_**  
**_does not light. Legolas opens the fridge, bare, except for an empty can of_**  
**_GEMINI croquettes._**  
**_On the packet is an ad:_**  
** WIN A DREAM TRIP FOR 2 TO FHLOSTON PARADISE.  
**  
** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** Must be an old picture.. Listen, you gotta bring  
me your hack for the 6 month overhaul. A.S.A.P.

**_Legolas heats up some brackish water._**

** Legolas  
** (sighs)  
I don't need one.

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** You forgetting who sat next to you for  
a thousand missions.  
I know how you drive.

** Legolas  
** Aragorn! I'm driving a cab now, not a  
space fighter!

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** How many points you got left on your  
license?

** Legolas  
** (lying)  
Uh... at least fifty.

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** In your dreams! See you tonight!

**_Aragorn has hang up. Legolas sighs and does the same. He gets the heated_**  
**_brackish water and sits down. The cat pounces on the table and meows for_**  
**_its food. Legolas pours half the coffee in the cat's cup._**

**_The cat meows. Legolas taps his cup to the cat's saucer._**

** Legolas  
** Cheers!

**34 INT. HALL - DAY - OMIT  
**  
**35 INT. GARAGE - DAY - OMIT  
**  
**36 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_The office is emptied, only a few army officers remain. An ancient_**  
**_manuscript, Frodo's drawings, sits in front of the President. Gandalf_**  
**_turns page after page, illustrating his_**  
**_point._**

** Gandalf  
** (to the President)  
We have forty-eight hours, the time it needs  
to adapt itself to our living conditions.

** PRESIDENT  
** (worried)  
And then?

** Gandalf  
** And then it will be too late. The goal of  
evil is to wipe out life! All forms of life.  
For all eternity...Life upsets it.

**_The President appears upset himself by this image._**

** PRESIDENT  
** Is there anything that can stop it?

** Gandalf  
** (knowing)  
Yes.. thank God..

**37 EXT. SPACE  
**  
**_The Mondoshawan spaceship bursts through a star cluster and fills the_**  
**_screen._**

**38 INT. COCKPIT - OMIT  
**  
**39 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_The manuscript is open on the President's desk.. CLOSE ON:_**  
**_Frodo's rendering of the Mondoshawan._**

** Gandalf  
** (to the President)  
The Mondoshawans don't belong to the  
Federated Territories, but they are peaceful...  
in their possession are the four elements of life.  
These elements when they are gathered around a fifth:  
The Supreme Being, ultimate warrior, created to protect  
life...

**_The SUPREME BEING is standing, as if frozen in armour. All we see is the_**  
**_bottom half of his body. Big metallic gloves hold the case engraved with_**  
**_the emblem of the three suns containing the four Sacred Stones._**

** Gandalf  
** ..will produce what the ancients called the  
light of creation, the light of total goodness  
which is the only thing that can defeat EVIL.

**_The President points to the spot occupied by the 5th element._**

** PRESIDENT  
** But what happens if instead of  
this... Ultimate Warrior... it is EVIL  
who stands here?

** Gandalf  
** White turns to black. Light to Dark.  
Life to Death. For all eternity.

**_The President's nerves quiver._**

** CAPTAIN  
** Sir, we have a Mondoshawan spaceship at  
the frontier requesting permission to enter  
our territory.

** PRESIDENT  
** I guess I should make a decision..

** Gandalf  
** They are the only ones who can help..

** GENERAL  
** Sir... the Mondoshawan do not belong to the  
federation. We do not know their intention..  
I must recommend a full trinuclear assault..

** PRESIDENT  
** (yells)  
Did you see that.. thing.. swallow our battleship  
like a gum drop? You can't even tell me what it is!  
I ask you for options you give me bullshit.  
Give them permission to enter our territories  
with my warmest regards.

** Gandalf  
** (relieved)  
Thank you, Mr. President.

**40 INT. MONDOSHAWANS SPACESHIP - OMIT  
**  
**41 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE - OMIT  
**  
**42 EXT. SPACE / INT. MONDOSHAWAN SHIP  
**  
_**The MONDOSHAWAN spaceship zips across the Federated Galaxy.**_  
**__****But it is not alone: Two black warships seem to be dogging it**.

**43 INT. MONDOSHAWAN COCKPIT  
**  
**_The MONDOSHAWANS have spotted the spacecraft chasing them._**

** FIRST OFFICER  
** Two non-identified ships approaching.

** CAPTAIN  
** Must be the welcoming committee.

**44 INT. WARSHIP COCKPIT  
**  
**_A Orc sits at the controls of the warship. His terrifying features_**  
**_tell us what sort of welcome they can expect. The pilot fires without_**  
**_warning._**

**45 EXT. SPACE / INT. MONDOSHAWAN SHIP  
**  
**_The huge ship is badly hit and immediately swerves oft course._**  
**_Panic aboard the MONDOSHAWAN ship._**

**46 INT. MONDOSHAWAN SHIP  
**  
** CAPTAIN  
** We've been hit! General alert!

**_Blast after blast hits the defenseless ship._**

** CAPTAIN  
** We're losing control! We have to land fast!

**_The huge ship veers oft course and heads for a small red planet, taking_**  
**_hit after hit._**

** CAPTAIN  
** Send out a distress signal! Activate  
the emergency landing procedure!

_**The huge ship approaches the planet at blinding speed.**_

** FIRST OFFICER  
** Impact in less than ten seconds!

**_The red planet looms ever closer._**

** CAPTAIN  
** Time is of no importance...

**_The ship crashes in a gigantic explosion._**

**46A INT. Legolas'S APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
**_A thermo nuclear explosion fills a T.V. screen.. Which Legolas' cat_**  
**_watches with interest._**

**_Legolas is about to exit the apartment._**

** Legolas  
** Don't watch it all day, it'll rot your  
mind. Bye sweetie..

**_In response, the cat meows. Legolas opens the door to.. A huge_**  
**_gun, brandished by a nervous MUGGER, pointing right in his face._**

** MUGGER  
** The cash man!

** Legolas  
** Been here long?

** MUGGER  
** Don't fuck with me man or I'll blow  
you into tomorrow!

**_Unperterbed, Legolas looks at the mugger's fearsome weapon._**

** Legolas  
** Isn't that a Z140? Alleviated titanium.  
Neuro charged assault model?

** MUGGER  
** (off balance)  
Uh..

** Legolas  
** You know you could hurt someone with  
this puppy.. good thing it's not loaded..

**_The mugger is lost. He looks at his weapon._**

** MUGGER  
** It's not?

** Legolas  
** You gotta push the little yellow button...

**_Legolas points to the button on the side of the gun. The mugger takes his_**  
**_advice._**

** MUGGER  
** Thanks..

** Legolas  
** You're welcome..

**_And with lightning speed, Legolas blasts the mugger with a straight right_**  
**_hand, sending him down for the count. Legolas retrieves the gun._**

** Legolas  
** ..you know these things are VERY illegal..  
you could get in a shit load of trouble..  
I better hang onto it for you..

**_As the mugger clears his head, Legolas opens a drawer next to him which is_**  
**_full of similar guns! The mugger's eyes pop out of his head. He scampers_**  
**_to his feet and runs off._**

**_Legolas shrugs, exits his apartment, and closes the door. The cat watches_**  
**_a nuclear holocaust on T.V., uninterrupted._**

**46B INT. Legolas'S GARAGE - DAY  
**  
**_Legolas enters his taxi. A robotic voice greets him._**

** VOICE  
** Please enter your license..

**_Legolas complies, and starts to push a series of buttons on the dash._**

** VOICE  
** Welcome on board Mr. Greenleaf..

** Legolas  
** How you doing this morning? Sleep OK?  
I didn't.

**_Legolas hits a button. The garage door starts to open._**

** VOICE  
** Fuel level 6.03..Propulsion 2x4...

** Legolas  
** I had the worst goddamn nightmare.

** VOICE  
** You have nine points left on your license..

** Legolas  
** Thanks for reminding me..

**_As the garage door lifts, the Megalopolis that is New York City in the_**  
**_23rd century comes into view. Startling in it's height, and breath._**

** VOICE  
** Have a nice day..

_**Legolas lets the propulsion build**._

** Legolas  
** Right..

**_He lets the gear slip. The taxi rockets off into the City._**

**47 EXT. TAXI STAND - NIGHT - OMIT  
**  
**48 EXT. RED PLANET-OMIT  
**  
**49 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_Gandalf collapses in a chair._**

** Gandalf  
** We are lost!

** GENERAL MUNRO  
** Mr. President, the attack was launched by two  
unregistered warships.

** PRESIDENT  
** Close all borders and declare a state of  
general alert.

** GENERAL MUNRO  
** Yes, sir.

** PRESIDENT  
** (to another OFFICER)  
Try to contact these Mondoshawans. We  
owe them an explanation.

** Gandalf  
** (lost, to himself)  
What are we going to do?

** PRESIDENT  
** This is government business now.  
You ought to go home and get some  
rest, Father.

**_The President motions to his guards to come and get Gandalf._**

** PRESIDENT  
** I promise to keep you informed.

**_A weary Gandalf leaves the room with Pippin's help._**

** PRESIDENT  
** (to the CAPTAIN)  
...Has the rescue team found any survivors?

**50 EXT. RED PLANET - OMIT  
**  
**51 EXT. RED PLANET ORBIT - OMIT  
**  
**52 INT. LABORATORY 1ST DISTRICT MANHATTAN - DAWN  
**  
**_An arm, on a surgical cart, moves down the hall of the Nucleological_**  
**_Center, the most sterile of environments._**

**_PROFESSOR MACTILBURGH, age 60, hurries alongside GENERAL MUNRO._**

** MUNRO  
** This is all that survived?

** MACTILBURGH  
** Actually only one cell survived..

** MUNRO  
** Have you identified it?

** MACTILBURGH  
** It's not that easy.. we've never encountered  
anything like it before.. you see normal human  
beings have 40 DNA memo groums..which is  
more than enough for any species to perpetuate  
itself.. This one has 200,000.

** MUNRO  
** Talk English Doc.

** MACTILBURGH  
** This cell is like a huge library. It has infinite  
genetic knowledge stored inside.  
Almost like it was... engineered.

** MUNRO  
** Sounds like a freak of nature to me.

** MACTILBURGH  
** Yes... I can't wait to meet him.

They pass into the lab.

**53 INT. LABORATORY  
**  
**_The two enter a cylindrical laboratory. There is a huge glass turbine in_**  
**_the middle with the metal glove inside. A DNA chain scrolls on the computer_**  
**_screen._**

** MACTILBURGH  
** (rather fascinated)  
The compositional elements of his DNA  
chain are the same as ours, there are simply  
more of them tightly packed.  
His knowledge is probably limitless..

** MUNRO  
** (worried)  
Is there any danger? Some kind of virus?

** MACTILBURGH  
** We put it through the cellular hygiene detector.  
The cell is for lack of a better word... perfect.

**_Munro hesitates a moment. Then he sighs and uses his personal key to_**  
**_open the_**  
**_self-destruct box._**

** MUNRO  
** OK, go ahead! But Mr. Perfect better be polite...  
otherwise I turn him into cat food.

**_Mactilburgh starts the operation rolling as Munro puts his hand on the_**  
**_sell-destruct button, ready to use it. Thousands of cells form in the_**  
**_heart of the generator, an assemblage of DNA elements. Then the cells move_**  
**_down a tube, like a fluid, and gather in an imprint of a HUMAN body. Step_**  
**_by step bones are reconstructed, then the nervous and muscular systems._**  
**_Whole veins wrap around the muscles. An entire body is reconstructing before_**  
**_our very eyes._**

** DOCTOR  
** Three seconds to ultra-violet protection.

**_A shield comes over the reconstructing body and makes it invisible._**

** MACTILBURGH  
** (to Munro)  
...This is the crucial phase, The reconstruction  
of pigment. Cells are bombarded with slightly  
greasy solar atoms which forces the body cells  
to react, to protect themselves.  
That means growing skin. Clever, eh?

** MUNRO  
** (disgusted)  
Wonderful!

**_The meter slows, drops to zero._**

** ASSISTANT  
** ... End of reconstruction, beginning of  
reanimation .

**_A whoosh of air in the glass chamber. Captain Munro has his hand on the_**  
**_self-destruct button, ready to destroy the being that has barely been_**  
**_reborn._**

** MACTILBURGH  
** (pushing a button)  
Activate life support system.

**_An electrical discharge fills the glass chamber causing the body inside_**  
**_to jerk._**  
**_After a few moments of silence, the SOUND of a heartbeat fills the room_**  
**_over the loudspeaker._**

** ASSISTANT  
** Life support system activated.

**_The Supreme Being is alive once again._**

** MACTILBURGH  
** Remove the shield.

**_The ASSISTANT automatically removes the ultra-violet shield which slowly_**  
**_reveals... a woman... nude... young... and very beautiful. Munro stands there_**  
**_gaping. Not quite his vision of the Supreme Being. Mactilburgh glances_**  
**_at Munro and gently pushes his hand away from the self-destruct button._**

** MACTILBURGH  
** (with a smile)  
I told you ... perfect!

**_Munro is hypnotized by the GIRL's beauty._**

** MUNRO  
** ...I'd, uh , like to get a few pictures for the  
archives  
before she wakes up.

**_Mactilburgh looks at him with a grin. A remote-control camera approaches_**  
**_the girl's face, a flash goes off. Blinded by the flash, the girl jumps and_**  
**_screams. She cowers in a corner, shaking from the cold, darting eyes_**  
**_everywhere looking for the case she was holding._**

** GIRL  
** (very angry)  
Ouacra cocha o dayodomo binay ouacra  
mo cocha ferji akba ligounai makta keratapla.  
Tokemata tokemata! Seno santonoi-aypa!  
Minoi ay Cheba! Givomana seno!

** MUNRO  
** (worried)  
What's she saying?

** MACTILBURGH  
** (to his ASSISTANT)  
Activate the phonic detector.

**_The girl kicks the window repeatedly._**

** MACTILBURGH  
** And give her a light sedative...  
and something to wear!

**_The ASSISTANT hits a button. A pile of clothes drops out of a trapdoor_**  
**_in the ceiling. She snatches up the clothes angrily and dresses quickly._**  
**_Munro draws closer to the glass window. He watches her dress with_**  
**_undisguised pleasure._**

** MUNRO  
** (to Mactilburgh)  
This thing solid?

** MACTILBURGH  
** (smiling)  
An elephant couldn't crack it.

**_The Girl finishes dressing._**

** GIRL  
** (angrily)  
Teno akta chataman assin-omekta!

**_Munro smiles safely behind his plate glass window._**

** MUNRO  
** (with a smile)  
You're gonna have to learn to communicate  
better than that angel if you want out.

**_Munro dangles the key on a chain that will let her out. The girl rams_**  
**_her fist right through the window. She grabs the key and yanks it. The_**  
**_chain snaps tight and Munro slams into the window knocking himself out. The_**  
**_girl puts her hand through the window again, unlocks the chamber and steps_**  
**_out. She is still bit wobbly on her legs. Two GUARDS try to grab her._**  
**_She sends them flying across the room. Mactilburgh is most impressed. He_**  
**_sets off a general alarm._**

**54 INT. CORRIDOR LABORATORY  
**  
**_The girl runs through a maze of corridors looking for a way out. A squad_**  
**_of SECURITY GUARDS appear in front of her and open fire without warning. The_**  
**_girl takes a leap, grabs an air vent, kicks it out and dives into the air_**  
**_shaft. The COPS try and jump up to the vent, but none can reach it._**

** CHIEF  
** Get me a chair or a stepladder The rest of you  
go through the main ventilation!

**55 INT. VENTILATION DUCT LABORATORY  
**  
**_The girl moves along unable to see what's ahead of her. She comes to a_**  
**_dead-end, a grill that leads outside. She pushes it out and exits onto_**  
**_the ledge._**

**56 EXT. LEDGE LABORATORY - DAWN  
**  
**_She has exited to a ledge on the 450th floor of a building, right in the_**  
**_middle of Manhattan, which we discover for the first time. The city has_**  
**_become monstrous. Buildings rise 600 stories. Cars fly. Subways run_**  
**_vertically...The girl edges along the narrow ledge, unfazed by the height._**  
**_The CHIEF leans out the vent, looking out into the void._**

** CHIEF  
** (to his men)  
Go on follow her!

**_The COPS stare into the gaping void._**

** COP  
** ...No way.

**_The CHIEF angrily pulls out his gun and shoots at the girl who ducks_**  
**_around the corner of the building. Unfortunately the other side in full of_**  
**_cops as well. A flying police car zooms up in front of her, sirens_**  
_**blaring**._

** VOICE (O.S.)  
** This in the police. Your status is illegal.  
Please put up your hands and follow our  
instructions!

_**The girl feels trapped. She looks down into the endless 450 below and**_  
_**all the cars flying underneath her. Then she raises her arms... and dives**_  
_**off.**_

**57 INT. POLICE CAR - NIGHT  
**  
** COP  
** (in the car.)  
Christ! She dove off!

**_In a panic, the COP makes a wrong turn. The girl falls for several_**  
**_seconds._**  
**_She lands on the roof of a flying cab._**

**58 INT. CAB - NIGHT  
**  
**_Legolas tries to control his car, reeling from the impact._**

** VOICE (O.S.)  
** You have just had an accident.  
Seven points have been temporarily  
removed...

**_Legolas manages to stop his cab, pulls over to the side._**

** VOICE / Legolas  
** You have one point left on your license.  
Have a good day.

**_Legolas sighs and looks in the back seat to see what the damages are. The_**  
**_girl, a bit dazed (who wouldn't be), emerges from the debris and sits up._**  
**_There's some blood on her face. Legolas is stunned. The girl's still alive_**  
**_and... so beautiful. His heart heads for a meltdown._**

** GIRL  
** Akina delutan, nou-shan.

** Legolas  
** (lost)  
...'Scuse me?

**_A police car with wailing sirens halts in front of Legolas._**

** COP  
** (over a loudspeaker)  
You have an unauthorized passenger in your  
vehicle. We are going to arrest her.  
Please leave your hands on the wheel.  
Thank you for your cooperation.

** Legolas  
** (obeying)  
Sorry, Hon, but I only got one point left  
on my license and I gotta get to the garage!

**_The police car presses up against the cab. Doors slide open. Huge guns_**  
**_point at her. Legolas feels lousy. The girl's helpless, there are tears in_**  
**_her eyes, she looks exhausted._**  
**_Legolas glances at her in the rear view mirror. She's looking all around_**  
**_to find something to help her communicate with him._**

**_Her POV: an ad on the back of the seat. An 800 number to help an_**  
**_orphanage. A teary photo of a kid over the words Please Help. She shoots_**  
**_to Legolas a look of pure distress._**

** GIRL  
** (irresistible)  
Please... HELP...

**_Legolas can't resist her plea._**

** Legolas  
** Don't put me in this position...  
I can't... I'm late as it is...

**_But he cannot say no to her eyes._**

** Legolas  
** Aragorn's gonna kill me.

**_Legolas shuts oft the meter and floors it, sideswiping the police car as_**  
**_he roars away._**

** VOICE (O.S.)  
** Your license has been revoked.  
Would you please...

**_Legolas whips out a gun and shatters the loudspeaker._**

** Legolas  
** I hate when people cry...  
I got no defense...

**_The police car takes out after him, sirens screeching. An insane chase_**  
**_ensues._**

**59 INT. NEW YORK STREETS - DAY  
**  
**_Legolas and his flying taxi are absolute masters of the air. The cops_**  
**_have trouble following him but then another cop car comes to join in the_**  
**_fun. Legolas drives like a man possessed, nothing can stop him. Except the_**  
**_dead-end he's just come up against._**

** GIRL  
** Daya deo dono Dato. Dalutan!

** Legolas  
** If there's one thing I don't need advice on,  
it's how to drive.

**_Legolas turns his cab sideways and scrapes through a narrow passageway,_**  
**_ripping his taxi light from the roof. The police car smashes into the_**  
**_wall. The other one brakes just in time._**

** COP  
** Shit! Attention all-patrol cars!

**_The car makes a U-turn, looking for a wider passageway._**

**60 EXT. NEW YORK STREET  
**  
**_The police car roars up, sirens screaming then slows down and checks out_**  
**_a dead-end flanked by a large vertical neon billboard. The dead-end is empty ._**  
**_Legolas's cab is hidden vertically behind the billboard. Seeing nothing, the_**  
**_police drive away._**

** Legolas  
** We'll wait till things quiet down a bit.  
You mind?

**_The girl grabs his shirt collar and pulls him close, whispers in his ear._**

** GIRL  
** (weak)  
...Priest...

** Legolas  
** You're not that bad... Come on we'll  
get you to a doctor.

**_The girl hands him the handle of the case, struck with the three Egyptian_**  
**_suns._**

** GIRL  
** (weak)  
Gan... Dalf... Priest...

** Legolas  
**Gandalf?

**_The girl nods, then faints. Legolas is somewhat lost faced with so much_**  
**_mystery._**

**61 INT. Gandalf's APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
**_The door opens. Legolas is there with the unconscious girl in his arms._**

** Legolas  
** (embarrassed)  
Excuse me, I'm looking for a priest.

** Gandalf  
** (tired)  
Weddings are one floor down.  
Congratulations.

**_Gandalf closes the door. The doorbell RINGS again._**

** Legolas  
** She's not my bride, she's my fare.  
She's looking for this Gandalf.  
According to the phone guide he lives here.

** Gandalf  
** (curious)  
That's me. But I don't know who she is...  
where did you find her?

** Legolas  
** She dropped in on me... holding this.

**_Legolas hands him the metal handle with the three Egyptian suns, stamped_**  
**_on it._**

** Gandalf  
** (staggered)  
**The fifth element.**

**_He faints dead away. Legolas, with the girl still in his arms looks_**  
**_around helpless._**

** Legolas  
** (sighing)  
Aragorn's gonna kill me...

**62 INT. Gandalf's APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
**_In his armchair, Gandalf gets woken by a slap in the face._**

** Gandalf  
** (with a start)  
Who are you?

** Legolas  
** I brought the girl remember?

** Gandalf  
** The girl?

**_Gandalf gets up. He looks at the handle._**

** Legolas  
** Yeah! She dropped in on me. I mean  
on my taxi... talking... this... this bizarre  
language...

**_And then it dawns on Gandalf who the girl is._**

** Gandalf  
** (eyes riveted on her)  
He's a she!

** Legolas  
** (bemused)  
You noticed...

** Gandalf  
** (face shining)  
There's not a moment to lose! Wake her up,  
but be gentle about it! This woman is mankind's  
most precious possession! She is... perfect!

** Legolas  
** So you do know her.

** Gandalf  
** Uh yes, we're cousins.. distant cousins..

**_Gandalf runs into the next room. Legolas looks at the girl, goes to_**  
**_slap her, then changes his mind._**

**_Her beauty troubles him. He hesitates, then, gently caresses her cheek._**  
**_Her skin seems so soft, so fragile._**

** Legolas  
** Perfect...

**63 INT. SMALL ROOM  
**  
**_Pippin, is mending a cassock when Gandalf bursts into the room out of_**  
**_breath._**

** Gandalf  
** It's a miracle!

** Pippin  
** (worried)  
What is?

** Gandalf  
** (babbling crazily)  
I can't wear these clothes! This calls  
for dignity!  
I have to dress the part!

**_He opens a closet filled with identical robes and plunges in,_**  
**_disappearing as Pippin looks on, uncomprehending._**

**64 INT LIVING ROOM. Gandalf's APARTMENT  
**  
**_Legolas gently kisses the girl's cheeks, but she doesn't respond. He_**  
**_looks around then kisses her on the lips. The girl's eyes snap open._**  
**_When Legolas straightens up he discovers his own gun jammed under his_**  
**_chin._**

** GIRL  
** (angry)  
Eto Akta Gamat!

** Legolas  
** (embarrassed)  
I'm sorry, it's just that... I was  
told to wake you up gently, so I figured...

**_The girl pauses a moment. She stares at him, looks puzzled._**

** Legolas  
** You're right, I was wrong! I shouldn't  
have kissed you... especially since we  
haven't been introduced and...  
(he pulls out a business card)  
Here, it's a bit late, but... my name is  
Legolas, Legolas Greenleaf.  
Keep it, you never know, maybe... you'll  
need a cab one day. I'll be happy to open  
the door this time!

**_The girl hesitates, then snatches the card like a wild animal._**

**65 INT. SMALL ROOM  
**  
**_Gandalf is lost in the closet._**

** Pippin  
** Father, will you please explain what's  
going on?

** Gandalf  
** The Supreme Being, the fifth element is here,  
in our parish! It's a miracle!

**66 INT. LIVING ROOM  
**  
** Legolas  
** ...What's your name?

** GIRL  
** (after a moment)  
Chloe Minai Lekarariba-Laminai-Tchai  
Ekbat De Peredhil.

** Legolas  
** (polite)  
Hey, that's... cute... Do you have a nickname,  
something a little... shorter?

** GIRL  
** ...Chloe.

**_Legolas is falling in love._**

** Legolas  
** That's... really cute...

**_Gandalf bursts into the room. She turns the gun on him._**  
**_He bows before her._**

** Gandalf  
** Appipulai Chloe Minai..

** Chloe  
**Gandalf?

** Gandalf  
** (bowing)  
At your service.

**_Chloe lowers her guard starts to laugh. An irresistible childish laugh._**  
**_Legolas smiles._**

** Pippin  
** Father. You sure she's the Supreme Being?

** Gandalf  
** Absolutely sure, there's the triple suns on  
her gloves!

**_Pippin bows low, but his eyes glance up at Chloe. Gandalf begins to_**  
**_lead Legolas toward the door, hustling him out._**

** Legolas  
** They all like this in your family, father?

** Gandalf  
** She's an exception..**  
**Thank you so much for your help Mr...?

** Legolas  
** Greenleaf. Legolas Greenleaf.

**_Gandalf takes his arm. Chloe stops laughing when she sees Legolas_**  
**_leaving._**

** Gandalf  
** Yes. That's fine! Thank you very much.  
A thousand times over!

** Legolas  
** I might call to check up on her,  
you know... to see if she's better?

** Gandalf  
** She's fine, really.. don't you worry..  
just needs some rest.. she's had a very long trip.

** Legolas  
** I know. I was there when she arrived.

**_Gandalf is about to close the door. Legolas's hand blocks it._**

** Legolas  
** Excuse me! Just one thing! She said something  
to me a while ago and... I don't really get it...  
Akta Gamat?

** Gandalf  
** It means, "Never without my permission".

** Legolas  
** That's what I thought.

**_Gandalf slams the door in his face._**

** Legolas  
** ...Thanks.

**66A INT. Legolas'S APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
Legolas beads down the hallway. He passes his NEIGHBOR.

** Legolas  
** Evening...

** NEIGHBOR  
** Fuck you!

** Legolas  
** ...Thanks... You, too.

**_Legolas enters his-apartment._**

**66B INT.. Legolas'S APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
**_The door slides back and the cat comes rubbing up against him, tail in_**  
**_the air._**

** Legolas  
** Oh god. I forgot your food ... I'm really sorry!  
How about a nice Thai nosh to apologize?  
How does that sound, huh?

**_The cat meows, appeased, just an the phone rings._**

** Legolas  
** Hello?

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** Hey bud...I'm waiting all day here.

** Legolas  
** Aragorn..man..I'm sorry..listen..I was on the way  
over but I had a fare fall into my lap..  
y'know one of those big fares you just  
can't resist..

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** (suspicious)  
So, just how big was this fare?

** Legolas  
** 5'5", blue eyes... long legs... great skin...  
perfect..

**_Legolas takes out a cigarette._**

** Aragorn (V.O.)  
** Uh huh..and I don't suppose you got the  
name of this..perfect fare..

** Legolas  
** (dreamy)  
Chloe..

**67 INT. GARAGE - DAY - OMIT  
**  
**68 INT. Gandalf' APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
**_Chloe has a towel wrapped around her, it looks like she just took a_**  
**_shower. She sits in front of a computer wolfing down some chicken. Data_**  
**_scrolls by on the screen. Pippin watches from the corner, in awe._**

** Pippin  
** What's she doing?

** Gandalf  
** Learning our history!  
The last 5000 years that she missed!  
She's been out of circulation a while,  
you know.

_**Chloe breaks into her childish laughter.**_

** Gandalf  
** What're you laughing about?

** Chloe  
** (pronouncing badly)  
Napoleon... small.

_**She laughs again and tosses some capsules into the microwave.**_

** Pippin  
** (hesitant)  
Uh father, I know she's been through a lot...  
but the sacred stones..we don't have much  
time..

** Gandalf  
** Yes. Of course..

**_Chloe takes her plate out of the microwave. A steaming plate heaped_**  
**_with chicken and exotic vegetables._**

** Gandalf  
** Chloe..I'm sorry to interrupt you but..

**_She sits back down in front of the screen and chomps away heavily on her_**  
**_second chicken. Gandalf sits opposite her. and holds up the case_**  
**_handle._**

** Gandalf  
** (serious)  
The case..with the stones...  
Where is it?

** Chloe  
** San Agamat chay bet... envolet!

** Gandalf  
** The case was stolen?

_**Chloe nods her head, quite unperturbed and continues to devour the food**_  
_**in front of her.**_

** Gandalf  
** (shocked)  
Who in gods name would do such  
a thing?

**69 INT. CORRIDOR. Saruman'S WAREHOUSE - DAY  
**  
**_CLOSE ON: A pair of feet limping heavily. A MAN comes alongside them._**

** RIGHT ARM  
** Excuse me sir, the council is worried about  
the economy heating up. They wondered if  
it would be possible to fire 500...

**_They reach a door at the end of the corridor. Saruman enters a code._**

** Saruman  
** Fire 1000.

** RIGHT ARM  
** But... 500 is all they need, sir.

**_Saruman turns slowly. A small scar across run across his face, his eye_**  
**_stutters._**  
**_This is not a man to cross, or contradict._**

** RIGHT ARM  
** 1000! Fine, sir!  
Sorry to have disturbed you.

_The door opens..._

**70 INT. Gandalf' APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
**_... and Pippin enters carrying a bundle of clothes._**

** Gandalf  
** There was this guy with a limp who  
came a month ago..said he was an art  
dealer ... Asking all these questions about  
the Sacred Stones..at the time I didn't think  
anything of it.. What was his name? I'm so  
bad with names...

** Pippin  
** (to Chloe, timid)  
I didn't know your size.

**_Chloe is happy. She pulls off the towel and stands there nude. Gandalf_**  
**_and Pippin turn away._**

** Pippin  
** They really made her...

** Gandalf  
** Perfect.

**_Chloe finishes dressing. She is delighted._**

** Chloe  
** (to Pippin)  
Domo danko!

**_Pippin smiles, dumb with admiration. Gandalf comes over._**

** Gandalf  
** Chloe? The Stones...  
We must get them back.

**_Chloe settles down, sits at the computer and turns it on._**

** Chloe  
** Ikset-kiba. Me imanetaba oum dalat!

** Gandalf  
** You know exactly where they are!

**71 INT. WAREHOUSE - DAY  
**  
**_A group of handsome WARRIORS approaches. AKNOT, their leader has the_**  
**_sacred case in his hands. The metal handle is missing but the second_**  
**_metal glove is still grasping the case._**

** Saruman  
** (pretending to be worried)  
Aknot? Is that you?

**_The LEADER nods. A disgusted look stamps Saruman's features._**

** Saruman  
** ...What an ugly face! Doesn't suit you at all!  
Take it off...

**_AKNOT's face burns away revealing the head of a monstrous Orc._**

** Saruman  
** That's better! Never be ashamed of  
who you are...  
You're warriors... be proud...

**_AKNOT says nothing, but if his eyes could talk!_**

** Saruman  
** So what if the Federal Army crushed your  
entire race and scattered your people to the  
wind...  
Your time for revenge is at hand...  
Voila... the ZF1.

**_He takes out a weapon from one a crate and goes into a sales pitch._**

** Saruman  
** (very fast)  
...It's light... the handle's adjustable for  
easy carrying... good for righties and lefties.

**_Meanwhile, two MEN set up a mannequin rigged with various defense_**  
**_mechanisms at the far end of the warehouse._**

** Saruman  
** ... Breaks down into four parts, undetectable by  
X-rays.. It's the ideal weapon for quick, discreet  
interventions. A word on fire power: Titanium  
recharger. 3000 round clip with bursts of 3 to 300.  
With the replay button, another Saruman innovation,  
it's even easier... one shot.

**_He fires at the mannequin._**

** Saruman  
** ... and replay sends every following shot  
to the same location...

**_Saruman spins around, the rounds all hit the mannequin._**

** Saruman  
** (even faster)  
I recharge, but the enemy has launched a  
cowardly sneak attack from behind, the  
automirror takes care of that. Gives me the  
time to turn around and finish the job.  
300 round bursts, then there are the Saruman oldies...

**_He fires off each item he names._**

** Saruman  
** ...Rocket launcher. The always efficient  
flame thrower... My favorite.  
Our famous net launcher, the arrow launcher,  
with exploding or poisonous gas heads - very  
practical.  
And for the grand finale, the all-new ice-cube  
system!

**_The mannequin has been blasted into a pile of ashes covered by a net,._**  
**_stuck with arrows, the whole mess frozen solid. He tosses the weapon into_**  
**_AKNOT's hands._**

** Saruman  
** ...Four full crates, delivered right on time!  
What about you, my dear Aknot, did  
you bring me what I asked you for?

**_AKNOT sets the case on a crate. Saruman gloats while stroking the case._**

** Saruman  
** ...Magnificent.

**_Saruman smiles, takes a deep breath, opens the case. It's empty_**

**72 INT. Gandalf's APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
**_Chloe breaks into her childish laughter once again._**

** Gandalf  
** (astonished)  
What do you mean empty?

**73 INT. Saruman'S WAREHOUSE - DAY  
**  
**_AKNOT looks into the case. Things grow tense._**

** Saruman  
** Alright..I've got an open mind here..  
anyone care to explain?

**74 INT. Gandalf' APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
**_Chloe explains what happened in her language._**

** Gandalf  
** (translating)  
She says that the Guardians never really had  
much faith in humans. They were afraid of  
being attacked. The stones were given to someone  
they could trust who took another route.  
She's supposed to contact this person in a little less  
than twelve hours from now in a hotel.  
She's looking for the address!

A map of the stars flashes onto the screen, Chloe points.

** Chloe  
** Dot!

**_The little group comes over to look._**

** Pippin  
** Planet Fhloston, in the Angel constellation

_**Gandalf plops down into his armchair.**_

** Gandalf  
** ...We're saved!

**75 INT. Saruman'S WAREHOUSE - DAY  
**  
** Saruman  
** I'm fucked!

**_Saruman calmly closes the case and gives Aknot a blood-chilling stare._**

** AKNOT  
** You asked for a case.  
We brought you a case.

** Saruman  
** (shouting)  
A case with four stones in it. Not one!  
Not two or three! But four! Four stones!  
What the fuck am I supposed to do with an  
EMPTY case?!

**_AKNOT's men grow edgy._**

** AKNOT  
** (tense)  
...We are warriors, not merchants!

** Saruman  
** (humored)  
But you can still count. Look...  
my fingers.

**_He holds up four fingers._**

** Saruman  
** ...Four stones, four crates... Zero stones...  
(yelling)  
** ZERO CRATES!  
** (to his men)  
Put everything back, we're outta here.

**_AKNOT's warriors turn their weapons on Saruman._**

** AKNOT  
** (icily)  
We risked our lives. I believe a  
little compensation is in order.

** Saruman  
** (smiling)  
So, you are a merchant, after all.  
(to his men)  
Leave them one crate. For the cause!

**_Saruman's men leave a crate and exit with the other three._**

**76 EXT. OUTSIDE Saruman'S WAREHOUSE - DAY  
**  
**_Saruman walks along the street to his limo. RIGHT ARM carries the empty_**  
**_case._**

** Saruman  
** I don't like warriors! They're too  
narrow-minded, no sublety. Worse,  
they fight for hopeless causes..for honor!  
Honor has killed millions of people but  
hasn't saved a single one.  
(pause)  
You know what - I do like though, I like killer.  
A real dyed in the wool killer. Cold-blooded.  
Clean. Methodical. Thorough. A killer, when  
he picked up the ZF1, would've immediately  
asked about the little red button on the bottom of  
the gun.

**77 INT. HALLWAY Saruman'S WAREHOUSE - DAY  
**  
**_The warriors have all taken a weapon. One of them inspects his ZF1. He_**  
**_turns it over and notices the little red button. He presses it._**

**78 EXT. OUTSIDE Saruman'S WAREHOUSE - DAY  
**  
**_Behind Saruman, an ear-shattering explosion levels the warehouse._**

** Saruman  
** (impassive)  
Bring the priest.

**79 INT. GARAGE - DAY - OMIT  
**  
**79A INT. Legolas'S APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
**_Legolas is finishing a Thai meal, cooked by a Thai on his mini restaurant_**  
**_anchored at the window. The cat eats next to Legolas, contented._**

** Legolas  
** So you forgive me?

**_The cat meows just as a red light blinks, announcing the arrival of a_**  
**_message in a glass tube. Legolas ignores it._**

** THAI  
** Not going to open?

** Legolas  
** I've never gotten a message that wasn't  
bad news.

** THAI  
** How someone strong like you scared from  
a message? Is good news I sure!

** Legolas  
** The last two messages I got? The first one  
was from my wife telling me she was leaving!  
And the second was from my lawyer telling me  
he was leaving too... with my wife.

** THAI  
** You right that is bad.. but mathematically  
luck must change!  
Grandfather say: "It never rain every day."  
This is good news guarantee.. I bet you lunch!

**_Legolas hesitates, then gives the envelope to the Thai, who opens it with_**  
**_a big smile that fades as reads the contents aloud._**

** THAI  
** ...You're fired. Oh!

**_Legolas smiles at him._**

** Legolas  
** At least I won lunch.

** THAI  
** Good philosophy..see good in bad..  
I like..I prepare number one dessert..  
special for you and pussy..

**_The cat meows._**

**79B INT. Gandalf' APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
_**Chloe is polishing off an immense pile of dessert as Pippin bangs away at**_  
_**the computer.**_

** Pippin  
** I got it! Everything here we need to  
know about Fhloston Paradise Hotel...  
and a detailed blueprint of the entire hotel!

** Gandalf  
** Good work, my son. Now all we need is  
a way to get there.

**_The doorbell rings._**

** Gandalf  
** I'll get it. Finish your work my son.

**_Gandalf opens to Right Arm with armed escort._**

** RIGHT ARM  
**Gandalf?

** Gandalf  
** My son?

** RIGHT ARM  
** Mr. Saruman would like a word with you.

** Gandalf  
** Mr. Who?

**80 EXT. MANHATTAN - OMIT  
**  
**81 INT. HALLWAY Gandalf APARTMENT - OMIT  
**  
**82 INT. REFRIGERATION ROOM - OMIT  
**  
**83 INT. Saruman'S OFFICE  
**  
**_Saruman turns to Gandalf._**

** Saruman  
** Saruman. Jean-Baptiste Emmanuel Saruman...  
nice to see you again

** Gandalf  
** I remember you now..the so called  
art dealer.

** Saruman  
** I'm glad you got your memory back, Father...  
Because you're going to need it...  
Where are the stones?

** Gandalf  
** ...Why on earth do the stones interest you?

** Saruman  
** Personally, they are of no interest to me,  
I'd rather sell weapons..but I have a customer...  
so tell me...

** Gandalf  
** Even if I did know where the stones were  
I would never tell somebody like you.

** Saruman  
** Why? What's wrong with me?

** Gandalf  
** ...I'm a priest! I'm here to serve life,  
All you want to do is destroy it.

** Saruman  
** Ah, Father... You are so wrong.  
Let me explain...

**_Saruman leads Gandalf into his inner office._**

** Saruman  
** ...would you like a drink?

** Gandalf  
** No thank you.

** Saruman  
** Follow me.. Life, which you so nobly serve,  
comes from destruction. Look at this empty  
glass.

**_Saruman pushes the glass with his finger._**

** Saruman  
** Here it is... peaceful... serene...  
but if it is...

**_Saruman pushes the glass off the table. It shatters on the floor._**

** Saruman  
** Destroyed...

_**Small individual robots, both free-wheeling and integrated, come zipping**_  
_**out to clean up the mess.**_

** Saruman  
** ...Look at all these little things...  
so busy all of a sudden.  
Notice how each one is useful.  
What a lovely ballet, so full of form  
and colour. So full of..life!

** Gandalf  
** They are robots!

**_A SERVANT comes in pours water in another glass. Saruman tosses a cherry_**  
**_into it._**

** Saruman  
** Yes but... by that simple gesture of destruction.  
I gave work to at least fifty people today. The  
engineers, the technicians, the mechanics. Fifty  
people who will be able to feed their children so  
they can grow up big and strong. Children who  
will have children of their own, adding to the great  
cycle of life!

**_Gandalf sits in silence._**

** Saruman  
** Father, by creating a little destruction,  
I am, in fact, encouraging life! So, in  
reality, you and I are in the same business!

** Gandalf  
** Destroying a glass is one thing.. killing people  
with the weapons you produce is quite another.

** Saruman  
** Let me reassure you Father..I will never kill  
more people in my entire life than religion has  
killed in the last 2000 years.

**_Saruman smiles, holds up the glass and takes a drink._**  
**_Unfortunately, he chokes on the cherry. Unable to breathe, Saruman starts_**  
**_to panic._**

** Gandalf  
** (mocking)  
Where's the robot to pat your back?

**_Saruman falls, writhing, on his desk, inadvertently hitting buttons which_**  
**_trigger a slew of little mechanisms. They pop out all over the desk._**  
**_True chaos reigns. Even a cage appears, holding a Souliman Aktapan, a fat_**  
**_multicoloured beastie, PICASSO, who seems surprised to be out in daylight. He_**  
**_licks his half-dead master in thanks. Gandalf gets up and walks around_**  
**_the desk. Saruman motions for help._**

** Gandalf  
** Can I give you a hand?

**_Gandalf whacks him on the back. The cherry comes flying out. Saruman_**  
**_regains control of himself. GUARDS come running in._**

** Saruman  
** You saved my life... So, I'm going  
to spare yours.  
(to the GUARDS)  
Throw him out!

**_The GUARDS throw Gandalf out._**

** Gandalf  
** You are a monster, Saruman!

** Saruman  
** (complimented)  
I know...

**_The GUARDS drag Gandalf out of the office._**

** Saruman  
** ...Torture whoever you want, the  
president if you have to but I want  
those Stones. You have an hour.

_**Right Arm salutes and hurries out of the office.**_

**84 EXT. MANHATTAN STREET - OMIT  
**  
**85 INT. Saruman'S OFFICE - OMIT  
**  
**86 INT./EXT. STREET / TAXI - OMIT  
**  
**87 INT. REFRIGERATION ROOM - OMIT  
**  
**88 INT. Saruman'S OFFICE - DAY - OMIT  
**  
**89 INT. HALLWAY - OMIT  
**  
**90 INT. REFRIGERATION ROOM - OMIT  
**  
**91 INT. TAXI - OMIT  
**  
**92 INT. ROOM - DAY - OMIT  
**  
**93 INT. TAXI - OMIT  
**  
**94 INT. ROOM - DAY - OMIT  
**  
**95 INT. TAXI - OMIT  
**  
**96 INT. SHAFT - OMIT  
**  
**97 INT. GARAGE - OMIT  
**  
**98 INT. Saruman'S OFFICE - OMIT  
**  
**99 INT. GARAGE - OMIT  
**  
**100 INT. LOCKER ROOM GARAGE - OMIT  
**  
**101 INT. GARAGE - OMIT  
**  
**102 INT. LOCKER ROOM GARAGE - OMIT  
**  
**103 INT. Legolas'S BUILDING - DAY - OMIT  
**  
**104 INT. Legolas'S APARTMENT - OMIT  
**  
**105 EXT. / INT. SPACE / SPACESHIP  
**  
**_...The dark planet. Three warships are positioned in front of it._**  
**_Communication satellites arrive from all over the place, drawn to it like_**  
**_a magnet._**

** CAPTAIN  
** (observing)  
It's gobbling up all the communication  
satellites in the galaxy!

**106 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_President Lindberg appears even more crushed by recent events._**

** PRESIDENT  
** Why the hell is it eating up all those  
satellites like that?

** HEAD SCIENTIST  
** (desperate)  
...We're working on it, Mr. President.  
We're working on it.

** PRESIDENT  
** It should only choke on them.

**_MUNRO enters the office just as a cockroach crawls onto the desk._**  
**_There's a small antenna on its back._**

**107 INT. SMALL ROOM  
**  
**_Saruman's Right Arm wears earphones, monitoring the President's conversation_**  
**_with the cockroach-spy._**

**108 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE / SMALL ROOM  
**  
** MUNRO  
** I managed to contact the Mondoshawan.  
They deplore the incident, but accept our  
apologies.

** PRESIDENT  
** (relieved)  
And the Stones? Did you find them in the  
wreckage?

** MUNRO  
** The-Stones weren't aboard the ship.

** PRESIDENT  
** (surprised)  
...What do you mean?

**_The President is all ears._**

**_So is Saruman's Right Arm._**

** MUNRO  
** The Mondoshawan never fully trusted the  
human race..they felt we're too unpredictable..  
so they gave up the Stones to somebody they  
do trust. Her name is Galadhriel. She's a Diva  
and she's going to sing at the charity ball on  
Fhloston Paradise in a few hours. She has the  
Stones with her.

**_The President breathes easier._**

**_Saruman's Right Arm is delighted._**

** PRESIDENT  
** (taking off a shoe)  
Excellent!

**_The President crushes the cockroach with his shoe._**

**_Right Arm's earphones fly off his head. Good-bye eardrums._**

**109 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** PRESIDENT  
** I want your best man on this!

** MUNRO  
** Don't worry, Sir. I have the perfect one.

**110 INT. Legolas'S APARTMENT - DAY  
**  
**_C.U. The most disgusting dessert ever made. Legolas looks at it shimmying_**  
**_on a plate as the Thai serves it to him proudly._**

** THAI  
** Stewed jellyfish cake.. my speciality..

**_Legolas forces a weak, polite smile as the Thai looks on expectantly. The_**  
**_phone rings._**

** Legolas  
** Saved by the bell.

**_Legolas rises to get his cigarettes, and answer the phone._**

** Legolas  
** ...Hello?

** MOTHER (V.O.)  
** You're the nastiest dirtbag I know in  
this stinking City!

** Legolas  
** (resigned)  
Hi Ma...

** MOTHER (V.O.)  
** I've been playing twice a week for 20 years,  
20 years I've been eating those shitty croquettes.

**_Legolas goes to light his cigarette. There are only two matches left in_**  
**_the match box._**  
**_Legolas strikes one and it fizzles._**

** MOTHER (V.O.)  
** You wouldn't even eat one to help your  
poor mother, and you win the big prize?  
Know something? The whole thing makes  
me sick!

**_The Thai starts to clean up. Just as Legolas goes to strike the second_**  
**_match.._**

** MOTHER (V.O.)  
** Are you listening to me, you ingrate!

** Legolas  
** (resigned)  
Yes ma..

**_Legolas sighs and puts the match back in the box._**

**_Legolas enters his code on the keypad the Thai is holding._**

** Legolas  
** (to the Thai)  
Go on... This is gonna take a while!

**_The Thai casts off. Legolas closes the window._**

** Legolas  
** Other than that... You all right?

** MOTHER (V.O.)  
** ...And now you're making fun of me?  
I'm warning you! If you don't take me  
after all these years of sacrifice, I'll  
never forgive you!

**_The Thai flies off. In the hall, the cat meows-for more food._**

** Legolas  
** (to the cat)  
I'm coming! Ma, what're you talking  
about?

** MOTHER (V.O.)  
** I get it! You want to make me beg,  
is that it?

** Legolas  
** All I want is an explanation! I just got  
in, I lost my job. I smashed my cab.  
I got mugged, but other than that  
everything's peachy, Ma, thanks for asking!  
Now settle down and explain to me calmly..

**_A message drops in his tube. The red light goes on._**

** MOTHER (V.O.)  
** You just won a trip, you dolt!  
Ten days in Fhloston Paradise for two!

** Legolas  
** Ma. If I'd won, I'd know about it.  
Someone would have notified me.

** MOTHER (V.O.)  
** They've been blaring out your name on  
the radio for the last hour, blockhead!

**_He eyeballs the message still in the tube. The doorbell rings.-_**

** Legolas  
** Ma.. it's the door. I'll call you back.

**_Legolas hangs up before his mother can say anything and heads for the_**  
**_door. Before he gets there it opens, General Munro enters followed by a_**  
**_Captain and a Major._**  
**_MAJOR ICEBORG is a woman. All she needs to become a man is a mustache._**  
**_Munro opens a file._**

** MUNRO  
** (clipped)  
Major Greenleaf, if our calculations are correct  
you still have 57 hours owed to the Federal  
Army on your enlistment which is more than  
you will need for a mission of the utmost  
importance.

** Legolas  
** What mission?

** MUNRO  
** To save the world.

** Legolas  
** Where have I heard this song before?

** MUNRO  
** You're to leave immediately for Fhloston  
Paradise. Retrieve four Stones from the  
Diva Galadhriel. And bring them back with  
the utmost discretion as possible.  
Any questions?

** Legolas  
** (a little bewildered)  
Just one... why me?

** MUNRO  
** Three reasons... One: As part of The Elite  
Special Forces Unit of the Federated Army  
you are an expert in the use of all weapons  
and spacecraft needed for this mission.

**_Munro pulls out a long list of documents._**

** MUNRO  
** Two: Of all the members of your unit, you were the most highly decorated.

** Legolas  
** And the third one?

** MUNRO  
** You're the only one left alive...

**_Munro removes the message Legolas hasn't bothered to look at._**

** MUNRO  
** Don't you open your messages?

** Legolas  
** I've had enough good news for today

** MUNRO  
** (by rote)  
You have won the annual Gemini contest  
and a trip to Fhloston Paradise. For two.  
Congratulations.  
Here are your tickets.

**_He hands Legolas the tickets. Legolas gets it._**

** Legolas  
** You rigged the contest?

**_Munro nods._**

** MUNRO  
** Major Iceborg will accompany you...  
as your wife...

_**The idea of taking a trip with Iceborg makes him sick.**_

** Legolas  
** (sarcastic)  
You couldn't come up with something  
a little more discreet?

** MUNRO  
** Old tricks are the best tricks eh?

** Legolas  
** I'm not going.

** MUNRO  
** Why not?

** Legolas  
** One reason... I want to stay the only  
one left alive.

**110A INT. Legolas'S HALL  
**  
**_Chloe and Gandalf search for Legolas's apartment. Chloe carries the_**  
**_card Legolas gave her. Gandalf finds the apartment, and yanks the_**  
**_number off the door. He waves Chloe over as his hand goes to the bell._**

**110B INT. Legolas'S APARTMENT  
**  
**_The doorbell rings._**

** Legolas  
** ...Scuse me.

**_Legolas goes to the door and looks out the peephole: the beautiful Chloe._**  
**_Legolas panics, overcome with happiness._**

** Legolas  
** ...Shit!

** MUNRO  
** (worried)  
What is it?

**_Legolas has two seconds to make up something to get rid of Munro._**

** Legolas  
** It's my wife.

** MUNRO  
** I thought you were divorced.

** Legolas  
** I mean my future.. my ex.. My future ex..  
if she sees you here I'm finished. She hates  
you guys. It's what killed us in the first place.  
Please...

**_He puts them in the fridge, shoving the jellyfish cake in Iceborg's_**  
**_hands._**

** Legolas  
** ...Sorry, General, but we've got no choice!  
It'll only take a minute! Let me set up  
another meeting and I'll be back.

** MUNRO  
** Three of us will never fit in there!

** Legolas  
** (pushing him)  
Oh, yes you will...

**_Legolas slams the fridge door. The doorbell RINGS again._**

** Legolas  
** ...Coming!

**_He whips through his place in ten seconds, gathers up things laying_**  
**_about,_**  
**_shuts drawers, rolls up his laundry in the folding bed. He brushes his_**  
**_hair back_**  
**_and opens the door with a big smile only to discover a gun stuck between_**  
**_his_**  
**_eyes held by Gandalf._**

** Chloe  
** Apipoulai!

** Legolas  
** I suppose that means "Hi" ?

** Gandalf  
** I'm sorry to have to resort to such  
methods, but we heard about your  
good luck on the radio and we need  
the tickets to Fhloston.

** Legolas  
** Is that the usual way priests go on  
vacation?

** Gandalf  
** We're not going on vacation..we're  
on a mission..

** Legolas  
** What kind of mission?

** Gandalf  
** (sincere)  
We have to save the world.

** Legolas  
** (skeptical)  
Good luck..

** Gandalf  
** Of course.

** Legolas  
** Father, I was in the Army for awhile  
and every time they told us we were  
on a mission to save the world the  
only thing that changed was I lost a  
lot of friends. So thanks for the offer..  
but no thanks.

**_Gandalf is disappointed. Chloe looks crestfallen._**

** Legolas  
** I'm sorry..

** VOICE  
** This is a police control action..

_**Everyone freezes as the whole building resounds with the electronic**_  
_**voice.**_

**111 INT. LANDING Legolas'S BUILDING  
**  
**_A group of POLICEMEN bursts into the hallway. One of the cops enters a_**  
**_code on the police wall box. A device descends from the ceiling, a_**  
**_flashing light-siren,_**  
**_a VOICE fills the air._**

** VOICE  
** This is not an exercise.  
This is a police control.

**_Gandalf starts to panic. Legolas takes charge._**

** Gandalf  
** Oh my god oh my god..

**_Legolas pushes a button sending the fridge to the next floor. A shower_**  
**_takes it's place._**

** Legolas  
** Chloe, hide in here and don't move!

**_Chloe hops in. Legolas tosses Gandalf on the bed._**

** Gandalf  
** What are you doing?

** Legolas  
** Trying to save your ass so you can  
save the world.

**_..and hits a button on the wall. The bed disappears into the wall._**

**_Legolas grabs his tickets and slides them in his belt._**

**112 INT. LANDING Legolas'S BUILDING - DAY  
**  
**_Meanwhile, the automatic police voice continues._**

** VOICE  
** ...Spread your legs and place your  
hands in the yellow circles, please.

**_A COP slaps a viewer device on Legolas' door which makes part of it_**  
**_transparent._**

** COP 1  
** Put your hands in the yellow circles,  
please.

**_Legolas takes his time hiding his face. The Cop looks at his sheet. He's_**  
**_looking for_**  
**_a... Legolas Greenleaf. He has his picture, but it is Legolas with long hair_**  
**_and beard._**

** COP 1  
** (to COP 2)  
Sir? Are you a human?

** Legolas  
** No, I'm a meat popsicle.

** COP 3  
** (at the other end of the hall)  
I found him!

**_C.U. Legolas's calling card is clumsily stuck to the door of the_**  
**_neighbor's apartment. COP 3 slaps the viewer on the nasty neighbor's door._**  
**_The neighbor is at his sink shaving instead of against the wall, COP 1_**  
**_arrives with Legolas's picture._**

** COP 1  
** Sir, this is a control. Please put your  
hands in the yellow circles.

**_The neighbor steps right up to the viewer, shaving cream on his face. He_**  
**_could pass for Legolas._**

** NEIGHBOR  
** Fuck you!

**113 INT. Legolas'S APARTMENT  
**  
**_Legolas still has his hands to the wall._**

** Legolas  
** Wrong answer.

**_SHOT O.S. EXPLOSION. Scuffle._**

**114 INT. HALL  
**  
**_The riot police hustle down the hall dragging the neighbor behind them in_**  
**_a canvas bag. A cop is on the wall phone._**

** COP  
** OK, we got the guy under wraps.

**115 INT. Saruman'S OFFICE  
**  
**_Right Arm is on the phone, facing Saruman._**

** COP (O.S.)  
** It was not easy, but we bagged him!  
Thanks for the tip!

** RIGHT ARM  
** (smiling)  
Glad to help.

**_He hangs up._**

** RIGHT ARM  
** They just arrested the guy for Uranium  
smuggling. Everything's going as planned.

**_He shows him a plane ticket, and a passport with his picture and Legolas'_**  
**_name._**

** RIGHT ARM  
** All I have to do now is to go to the  
airport and take his place. I should be  
in Fhloston in less than four hours.

**_Saruman sits there quietly for a moment._**

** Saruman  
** Don't come back without the Stones.

**116 INT. Legolas'S APARTMENT  
**  
**_Legolas opens the shower door. Chloe is soaking wet, her teeth_**  
**_chattering from the cold._**

** Legolas  
** I'm really sorry.. there wasn't time.

**_His eyes fall on an old blanket._**

** Legolas  
** Here let me wrap you up.

**_Legolas wraps her in an blanket and vigoroualy rubs her back. Chloe_**  
**_warms gradually and snuggles closer to that warm comfortable shoulder._**  
**_Legolas's rubbing slows, looking more like caresses._**

** Legolas  
** ..It's funny. I've met you twice today and  
you've ended up in my arms both times.

**_Chloe suddenly realizes that she has maybe gone a bit too far._**  
**_She recovers, looking embarrassed too._**

** Chloe  
** (nicely)  
Valo massa... Chacha hamas.

** Legolas  
** Uh..you're welcome.

**_The intimacy makes him nervous. He looks for a diversion._**

** Legolas  
** Coffee! That's what you need!  
A nice, hot cup of coffee!

**_He pushes a button on the coffee machine._**

** Legolas  
** With some honey! You'll see, honey's  
great!...

**_Legolas rummages through the drawer. Chloe, innocent, doesn't seem to_**  
**_quite understand everything that is going on._**

** Legolas  
** A hot cup of coffee... with honey...

**_He rummages through the cupboard, exceedingly nervous. Chloe smiles and_**  
**_begins to look around. She opens a drawer and comes upon.._**

** Legolas  
** (nervously)  
I've got this great honey somewhere.  
You know about honey? There used to be  
these little animals who made it with antenna...

**_..pictures of Major Legolas Greenleaf War Hero._**

** Legolas  
** ..and these other animals who ate it..  
one were bees the other were bears..

**_She looks back to the man fumbling for honey._**

** Legolas  
** I forget which ate it and which made it  
but..

**_And she smiles._**

** Legolas  
** Here it is!

Legolas holds up the jar of honey.

** Legolas  
** Taste this...

**_Chloe innocently sticks his finger in the jar then puts it in her mouth._**

** Legolas  
** It... melts in your mouth, doesn't it?

**_She savours the honey, slowly; sensually. Her lips shine with honey. Her_**  
**_eyes narrow with pleasure. Legolas is hypnotized by her lips, like a moth_**  
**_attracted to a flame. He begins to lose control, which makes him nervous._**

**_An indistinct sound comes from the wall. But Legolas is so entranced with_**  
**_the sight of Chloe licking her honeyed fingers, he doesn't hear it until_**  
**_it becomes quite a racket._**

** Legolas  
** You hear that?

** Chloe  
** (licking)  
Gandalf..

** Legolas  
** Oh god!

**_Legolas pushes the button on the wall. The bed pops out, fully made, with_**  
**_Gandalf tucked in it, struggling to get out._**

** Legolas  
** I'm really sorry.. let me help you..

**_Legolas begins to pull at the covers when.._**

** Chloe  
** Achta ge lumitai de matala..

**_Legolas turns.._**

** Legolas  
** What?

**_He turns to Chloe struggling out of her wet clothes. His breath is taken_**  
**_away by the sight of her perfect body._**

**_Gandalf whacks him heavily on the head with a lamp. Legolas drops to_**  
**_the floor._**

** Chloe  
** (displeased)  
Vano da, mechteba?!  
Soun domo kala chon hammas!

** Gandalf  
** No, I'm not proud of myself...  
But we don't have the luxury of choice.

**117 INT. ENTRANCE Legolas'S BUILDING - DAY  
**  
**_The POLICE exit the elevator and head for the front door. A cop suddenly_**  
**_takes a hit from a silencer, then a second. Others are bashed on the head_**  
**_by Orc warriors. One of them picks up the prisoner bag, takes it_**  
**_into a small shed._**

**118 INT. SHED  
**  
_**Aknot, the Orc leader, is seriously wounded and can't walk.**_

** AKANIT  
** Legolas Greenleaf! We got him.

** AKNOT  
** Perfect... Take command, Akanit.  
Go to Fhloston and get the Stones...  
If Saruman really wants them... He'll have  
to negotiate. Revenge is at hand.

**119 INT. Legolas'S APARTMENT Legolas'S BUILDING - DAY  
**  
**_Legolas gets unsteadily to his feet, some blood drips down his face. He_**  
**_daubs at it._**

** Legolas  
** Jesus!... Some priest!

**_The phone rings, he manages to answer._**

** Legolas  
** Yeah?

** MOTHER (V.O)  
** Have you pulled yourself together?

** Legolas  
** ...Not yet.

**_He hangs up._**

**_Legolas opens the fridge door. The three officers are frozen solid._**  
**_Legolas grabs some ice, presses it to his forehead._**

** Legolas  
** I'll take the mission.

**_He closes the door._**

**120 INT. AIRPORT HALL - DAY  
**  
**_Gandalf and Chloe (still damp) arrive at the Manhattan Intergalactic_**  
**_Airport._**  
**_A huge hall three quarters filled with trash piled up to the ceiling._**

**_There are groups of extra-terrestrials on strike standing in trash_**  
**_holding picket signs. A SECURITY GUARD picks up a phone off the wall._**

** SECURITY GUARD  
** Illegal gathering in Zone 4.

**_A hand taps Chloe from behind. She whips around catching Pippin in the_**  
**_face._**

** Gandalf  
** Chloe, be careful.

**_He turns to Pippin who in holding his bloody nose._**

** Gandalf  
** Did you get them?

**_Pippin hands Gandalf two passports._**

** Gandalf  
** Excellent... Chloe Greenleaf.

**_He hands it to her. The name makes her smile._**

** Gandalf  
** And Legolas Pippin Greenleaf.

**_She frowns._**

** Chloe  
** Akta dedero ansila do mektet.

** Gandalf  
** I can't pretend to be your husband...  
Pippin's in great shape.

She looks at Pippin holding his bloody nose.

** Gandalf  
** He'll protect you. Go on... See the Diva...  
get the Stones... See you at the temple...  
God be with you.

**_ANGLE ON: Legolas comes rushing into the airport. Walking quickly, he_**  
**_scopes the hall looking for Chloe. A POLICE PATROL bearing down on the_**  
**_STRIKERS jostles him. The cops open fire. The strikers dive into the garbage_**  
**_and disappear._**

**121 INT. BOARDING GATE  
**  
**_Pippin nervously puts tickets and IDs on the check-in counter._**  
**_Chloe tosses her suitcase on the conveyor belt._**

** CHECK-IN ATTENDANT  
** Congratulations on winning the contest.

**_Pippin gives her a bleak smile. Chloe rolls her eyes._**

**_Back a ways, Legolas has spotted Chloe and... Pippin. He heads right for_**  
**_them. Chloe's seen him. She is both delighted and panicked. Pippin's_**  
**_seen nothing. Legolas presses one of his fingers like a gun to Pippin's back._**

** Legolas  
** (friendly)  
Hey! I really thought I was going to  
miss my flight!  
(to Pippin)  
Thanks, kid! You put the luggage on  
the conveyor belt?

** Pippin  
** (freaking)  
Uh... yeah.

** Legolas  
** (smiling)  
_Great! Now beat it!_

**_Paralyzed, Pippin leaves. Legolas turns to the attendant._**

** Legolas  
** Excuse me. I was so afraid I'd miss the  
flight that I sent the kid here to pick up  
my boarding card.

**_He looks at Pippin's fake ID._**

** Legolas  
** ...My cousin Pippin...

**_Chloe is unable to hold back a smile._**

** CHECK-IN ATTENDANT  
** (looking at Chloe's ID)  
Your wife?

**_Legolas grabs the ID and reads it._**

** Legolas  
** Uh, yes... Newlyweds.  
(aside)  
You know how it is... Love at first sight.  
You meet, something goes tilt,. you get  
married, you hardly know each other.  
Right, darling?

**_Chloe rips her boarding card out of the attendant's hand._**

** Chloe  
** (sharply)  
Dinoine chagantakat!

** Legolas  
** Took the words right out of my mouth.  
Go on... I'll be right with you.  
(to Check-in Attendant)  
It's our honeymoon. We're going to use  
the trip to get to know each other better.

**_He winks at the stewardess._**

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
**_The neighbor and a tawdry young girl cross the airport. The couple in_**  
**_almost knocked over by a police patrol holding a 500 pound PIG on a_**  
**_stainless steel leash. The couple panics a moment, the realize the patrol_**  
**_isn't for them. The pig heads for the pile where the strikers disappeared._**

** COP  
** (to pig)

**_Come on, snyffer, go root!_**

**_The pig piles into the garbage. The Cop cuts it some slack._**  
**_Gandalf sits at a bar._**

** Gandalf  
** (to the bartender)  
I feel so guilty sending her to do the dirty  
work. I know she was made to be strong  
but she's also so fragile... So human.  
You know what I mean?

**_The bartender, a robot, nods his head as he pours Gandalf a drink._**

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
**_The nasty neighbor and his wife hand their tickets to the check-in_**  
**_attendant._**

** CHECK-IN ATTENDANT  
** (surprised)  
Greenleaf... Legolas...

** NEIGHBOR  
** (in a different voice)  
Yes, that's me.

**_The check-in attendant triggers a transparent blue light that shines on_**  
**_their faces, revealing two other faces:_**

**_Orcs._**

** CHECK-IN ATTENDANT  
** (smiling)  
Just a minute, please.

**_She hits a silent alarm, but the Orcs feel something is wrong._**

** NEIGHBOR  
** We'll be right back ... we're gonna  
check out the duty free...

_**They spin around and hurry away.**_

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
_**Gandalf at the bar, half in the bag.**_

** ROBOT  
** The same?

** Gandalf  
** Yeah...

** Pippin (V.O.)  
** Make that two...

**_Gandalf turns to Pippin._**

** Gandalf  
** Where's Chloe?

** Pippin  
** On the plane... with Mr. Greenleaf...  
the real one.

** Gandalf  
** It's all my fault. I'm the servant...  
It's my mission! Here!

**_He hands Pippin the Temple Key from around his neck._**

** Gandalf  
** Here's the key to the Temple..  
Prepare for our arrival!

**_Gandalf tosses Pippin's drink into his own, downs it all in one shot,_**  
**_and takes off, passing the Orc couple headed for the exit. They are_**  
**_very nervous._**  
**_A police patrol is coming. This time, it seems to be for them._**

** NEIGHBOR  
** (to the tawdry girl)  
Tell Aknot plan A flopped.  
Tell him to go to plan B.

**_The tawdry girl nods and peels off. The neighbor takes out a gun and_**  
**_blasts away at the cops. The cops fire back. A firefight rages in the_**  
**_hall. The tawdry girl dives into a pile of garbage and disappears._**

** COP  
** (into walkie-talkie)  
...Send in a back-up unit, Zone 7!

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
**_On one side of the hall, a trap door opens. Three pigs come running out,_**  
**_grabbed by their police handler._**

**_Gandalf waits until everyone has left, gets down on all fours and_**  
**_crawls through the trapdoor reserved for the pigs._**

**122 INT. FIRST CLASS LOUNGE  
**  
**_Chloe stands at the buffet in the first class lounge eating everything_**  
**_in sight._**

**123 INT. HALL  
**  
**_Legolas is led down the hall by a STEWARDESS._**

** STEWARDESS  
** You are so lucky... Boromir is the  
coolest DJ in the universe.

** Legolas  
** Listen... I don't want to be interviewed.  
I'd prefer to remain anonymous.

**_The stewardess stops in the corridor._**

** STEWARDESS  
** Forget anonymous. You'll be doing Loc  
Boromir's live show every day from 5 to 7!

** Legolas  
** (expression changes)  
You gotta be kidding!

**_The stewardess smiles and shakes her head. The door next to him suddenly_**  
**_swings open and smashes him in the face._**

**_In walks Boromir amidst a tornado of music and security guards. He is_**  
**_young, good-looking, eccentric, charming as an elf or sly as a fox. A_**  
**_bundle of energy. He is the 24th century's most popular DJ._**

** Boromir  
** (speedy, in rhythm)  
Legolas Greenleaf! Here he is The most hated  
man in the universe. The one and only winner  
of the Gemini Croquette contest! Ladies, start  
melting 'cause the boy's hot! Hot! Hot! The boy  
is perfect..  
(he feels his muscles)  
...The right size, right build, right hair. Right on!  
Say something-to those 50 billion pair of ears out  
there G-man!

**_An ASSISTANT hands a totally lost Legolas a mike._**

** Legolas  
** (hesitant)  
...Hi.

** Boromir  
** Does it get any better or what!

**_Boromir grabs Legolas' arm and leads him down the hallway, as fast as_**  
**_the music._**

** Boromir  
** ...Quiver ladies, he's gonna set the world on  
fire right here from 5 to 7! You'll know  
everything there is to know about the G-man.  
His dreams, his desires, his most intimate of  
intimates. And from what I'm looking at  
intimate is the stud muffin's middle name.  
So tell me my main man... you nervous in the  
service?

** Legolas  
** Uh... not really.

**_Boromir lets go of Legolas' arm and grabs the Stewardess._**

** Boromir  
** Freeze those knees, my chickadees, 'cause  
Legolas is on the case with a major face...

**_Boromir rubs up against the stewardess._**

** Boromir  
** ...Start drooling, ladies! My man here is a  
sharp-tongued Sire who's gonna stroke your  
every desire.

_**They come to an intersection. The airline company has prepared drinks**_  
_**for them. Boromir pushes on, grabs a glass of champagne, scribbles his**_  
_**autograph.**_

** Boromir  
** Yesterday's unknown will be tomorrow's Prince  
of Fhloston Paradise, the hotel of a thousand and  
one follies, home of luxury and beauty. A magic  
fountain flowing with non-stop wine, women and  
Bootchie Koochie Koo...

**_He tosses away his champagne glass._**

** Boromir  
** Beware out there puppy dogs my man is on  
the prowl. Owwww!

**_Howling, Boromir grabs another stewardess by the arm._**

** Boromir  
** ...And start licking your stamps little girls,  
this guy's gonna have you writing home to  
Momma! Tomorrow from 5 to 7, I'll be your  
voice, your tongue and I'll be hot on the tail  
of the sexiest man of the year... G-man...  
Your man... My man.

**_The stewardess shivers. A BEEP is heard._**

** VOCODER (O.S.)  
** End of transmission.

**_The MUSIC suddenly stops. Several assistants come and compliment Loc_**  
**_Boromir who sighs, lights up a cigarette, and drops his pretense._**

** Boromir  
** Legolas sweetheart do me a favor I know this  
is probably the biggest thing that ever happened  
to you in your inconsequential life. But I've got  
a show to do here and it's got to pop. So tomorrow,  
when we're on air, give me a hand... Try to make  
believe you have more than a one word vocabulary.  
OK pal?

**_That does it. Legolas grabs him by the collar and drags him into a_**  
**_corner._**  
**_Boromir's feet don't touch the ground._**

** Legolas  
** (pissed)  
I didn't come here to play Dumbo on the radio.  
So tomorrow between 5 and 7 give yourself a  
hand, that clear pal?

** Boromir  
** (petrified)  
Crystal.

**124 INT. AIRPORT  
**  
**_The Check-in attendant has two more tickets in her hand._**

** CHECK-IN ATTENDANT  
** (alter a moment, reading)  
...Mr. Greenleaf... Legolas Greenleaf?

**_Saruman's Right Arm gives her a big smile._**

** RIGHT ARM  
** That's right.

_**The attendant scans the ID with a yellow beam, it checks out, and the**_  
_**blue light reveals no other face but his.**_

** CHECK-IN ATTENDANT  
** The problem is I only have one Legolas Greenleaf on  
my list... and he's already checked in.

**_Right Arm's smile shatters._**

** RIGHT ARM  
** That's impossible! He's in j... I mean, there  
must be some mistake. I have my ticket!  
I'm the real Legolas Greenleaf!

**_A shrill BELL rings out._**

** CHECK-IN ATTENDANT  
** (smiling)  
I'm sorry, sir, boarding is finished.

**_The attendant hits a button. A thick window slowly slides up between_**  
**_them._**  
**_Right Arm totally loses it._**

** RIGHT ARM  
** I want to see your boss! Get rid of this  
fucking window! Somebody's made a  
mistake, goddamnit!

**_He pounds on the counter with both fists. A steel curtain comes down._**  
**_Red sighting beams target spots on his body, ten gun barrels protrude from_**  
**_the wall, all aimed at him._**

** VOICE (O.S.)  
** This is not an exercise. This is a police  
control.  
Put your hands in the nearest yellow circles...

** RIGHT ARM  
** (slowing down)  
Sorry, my fault... Just a little overexcited...  
that's all... I'm calm now.

**125 INT. SHUTTLE - DAY  
**  
**_Legolas makes his way in the plane looking for his seat. No more seats in_**  
**_modern planes, just individual travel boxes lined up like microwaves. He_**  
**_passes STEWARD holding his bloodied nose. He has found what he is looking_**  
**_for. He enters to... Chloe quietly stretched out in front of a computer_**  
**_screen. Legolas slips in beside her. Chloe in concentrating on the words_**  
**_that scroll rapidly past her on the screen. He doesn't understand what she_**  
**_is doing._**

** Chloe  
** Apipoulai!

** Legolas  
** Not hard to find you...just follow the  
Chaos...

**_Chloe smiles, as if complimented._**

** Legolas  
** Chloe, listen to me... these tickets...  
they're not mine... I mean they are, but  
not for vacation like everyone thinks...  
I'm on an operation... and if I didn't come  
get you, you'd be in a shitload of trouble...  
I'd love to be on vacation with you...  
but now... now I've got to work...  
And Chloe... I would love to work in peace.

**_Chloe types in "LOVE" on the keyboard._**

** Chloe  
** Love...

** Legolas  
** Yes! But "love" isn't the operative word  
here, PEACE is!

**_Chloe types in this new word._**

** Chloe  
** (rather pleased)  
Peace... and love...

**_She brings up a picture of a 60's style Hippie flashing a peace sign._**  
**_Legolas sighs and switches off the screen._**

** Legolas  
** Sometimes you can't learn everything  
from a screen..sometimes it's better to  
ask someone who has experience..

** Chloe  
** (quite happy)  
What is... Make Love?

**_Legolas just stares at her for a few minutes._**

** Legolas  
** Know what? On that subject maybe you'd  
be better off asking the screen.

**_He turns the computer back on._**

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
**_A STEWARDESS walks up the aisle of the shuttle pushing the red buttons on_**  
**_top of each individual box._**

** VOICE (O.S.)  
** ...to make your flight as short and agreeable  
as possible, our flight attendants are switching  
on the timing sleeper which will regulate your  
sleep during the trip...

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
** Chloe  
** (switching off the screen)  
OK! Finished!

** Legolas  
** Finished what?

** Chloe  
** Learning language.

** Legolas  
** Which one?

** Chloe  
** All 900.

Legolas doesn't know if he should laugh or not.

** Legolas  
** You learned 900 languages in five  
minutes?!

** Chloe  
** (pleased)  
Yes! Now it's your turn! I learned your  
language, you have to learn mine!

** Legolas  
** I know how to say "Hello". Teach me how  
to say "Good-bye", that's all I need.

** Chloe  
** Apipoussan!

** Legolas  
** Apipoussan?

** Chloe  
** Good! Do you know how we say "make love"?

** Legolas  
** (fumbling)  
Uh...

** Chloe  
** ...Hoppi-hoppa.

**_Legolas literally melts._**

** Legolas  
** (to himself)  
Help...

**_Luckily, a stewardess smiles at him through the box window._**

** STEWARDESS  
** Sweet dreams, Mr. Greenleaf!

**_The stewardess sets the timing sleeper. Legolas and Chloe immediately_**  
**_fall asleep._**

**_A STEWARDESS at the other end of the shuttle has a problem._**

** STEWARDESS 2  
** Mr. Boromir you have to assume  
your individual position.

** Boromir  
** (hugging her)  
I don't want an individual position,  
I want all positions!

** STEWARDESS 2  
** (resisting somewhat)  
We're going to take off soon, Mr. Boromir!

** Boromir  
** Now you're talking!

**126 INT. COCKPIT FHLOSTON SPACE SHUTTLE  
**  
**_Three CREW MEMBERS prepare for liftoff._**

** COPILOT  
** (on the radio)  
Molecular axis authorization. Vector 130.  
Destination Fhloston.

**_Stewardess 1 enters the cockpit._**

** STEWARDESS 1  
** Zone 1. 217 locked. The sleep regulator is OK.

** PILOT  
** (checking her out)  
Thanks, Miss.

**_The Stewardess leaves with a smile. A red light flashes on the vast_**  
**_control panel._**

** MECHANIC  
** Tell the ground crew we've got parasites  
in the landing gear.

**127 INT. AIRPORT LANDING STRIP - DAY  
**  
**_A GROUND CREW MEMBER goes over to the truck parked under one of the_**  
**_plane's wings and bangs on the side of it with a shout._**

** GROUND CREW MEMBER  
** Disinfecting!

**_Two DISINFECTORS in hermetically sealed suits exit the truck. They go_**  
**_over to the front landing gear and send up a whooshing beam. The flame_**  
**_burns everything it touches. A pack of repugnant creatures falls squealing_**  
**_from the landing gear. A small trapdoor is opened under the shuttle and a_**  
**_huge slightly phosphorescent tube falls out._**

**128 INT. AIRPORT HALL / Saruman'S OFFICE  
**  
**_Saruman's Right Arm is in a phone booth in the middle of the hall._**

** RIGHT ARM  
** Yeah, it's me... Put Saruman on.

**_He is already sweating._**

** Saruman  
** (cold)  
I'm listening.

** RIGHT ARM  
** The real Legolas Greenleaf is on the plane!  
He took my place.

** Saruman  
** This is a joke, right?

**129 INT. SHUTTLE  
**  
**_Boromir is wrapped around a stewardess like a snake._**

** Boromir  
** No! I swear to God! I've never been this  
sincere with a human before!

**130 EXT. LANDING STRIP  
**  
**_TWO GROUND CREW MEMBERS stick an enormous, highly phosphorescent tube_**  
**_into the opening._**

** GROUND CREW MEMBER  
** You're fueled and ready to go.  
Have a nice flight.

**131 INT. SHUTTLE  
**  
** PILOT  
** (to copilot)  
Everything ready for liftoff?

**132 INT. CABIN  
**  
** STEWARDESS  
** (weakly, to Boromir)  
No, no... I'm not ready! I'd like to talk first...

**133 INT. Saruman'S OFFICE / AIRPORT HALL  
**  
** Saruman  
** I cannot hear you. We have a bad  
connection here. What's your number?

**_Right Arm reads off the phone number._**

** RIGHT ARM  
**** 278-500-645-321  
**  
** Saruman  
** I'll call you back.

**134 EXT. LANDING STRIP  
**  
**_The runway is now empty. A man slips out of the shadows. It's Gandalf._**  
**_He scurries over to the front landing gear. He pauses for an instant, the_**  
**_climbs up the wheel well and disappears inside the shuttle._**

**135 INT. SHUTTLE  
**  
**_The pilots are going through the pre-flight check list._**

** COPILOT  
** Anti static pressure?

** MECHANIC  
** Primed.

The mechanic presses a series of buttons.

**136 INT. CABIN  
**  
**_Boromir undoes a series of buttons on the stewardess' blouse, behind a_**  
**_curtain. He whispers a poem. Impossible to resist him. Outside the_**  
**_curtain the stewardess' legs rise slowly._**

**137 EXT. LANDING STRIP  
**  
**_On the ground, protective fire curtains rise slowly to contain the engine_**  
**_exhaust on liftoff._**

**138 INT. Saruman'S OFFICE  
**  
**_A keyboard slowly appears in front of Saruman._**

** Saruman  
** (typing the number)  
** 278... 500...  
**  
**139 SERIES OF QUICK CUTS:  
**  
**_The pilot gradually turns the engines up._**

** COPILOT  
** 10 seconds...

** PILOT  
** Power increase.

**_- The stewardess undergoes a power surge from Boromir that's about to_**  
**_lift her off._**

**_- Saruman finishes gleefully typing in the number._**

** Saruman  
**** 3... 2... 1...  
**  
**_- The engines at full blast._**

**_- The stewardess in close to screaming._**

** PILOT  
** Liftoff.

**_- The copilot pushes a button._**

**_- So does Saruman._**

**_- The engines release their full power._**

**_- The stewardess screams in ecstasy._**

**_- In the hall, Right Arm literally explodes along with the phone and_**  
**_everything else within 60 feet._**

**140 INT. FHLOSTON SPACE SHUTTLE  
**  
**_The stewardess' legs slowly descend and disappear behind the curtain._**

**141 INT. COCKPIT  
**  
**_In the cockpit, the atmosphere loosens up._**

** COPILOT  
** (relaxing)  
Landing gear secure. Let's light one up.

**142 INT. CABIN  
**  
**_Legolas and Chloe sleep soundly in their box. Chloe has a smile on her_**  
**_face and her hand in Legolas'._**

**143 EXT. OUTERSPACE - NIGHT  
**  
**_The spaceship rockets past us, then suddenly vanishes with amazing speed._**  
**_Space is now empty and calm. Billions of stars glow in perfect silence._**

**144 EXT. SPACE  
**  
_**The nefarious planet in still there, immobile, even larger now, writhing**_  
_**like a serpent. Then, suddenly, for no apparent reason, all activity stops**_  
_**and it becomes gray and cold.**_

**145 INT. SPACESHIP  
**  
**_In the Admiral's starship, scientists watch the measuring device. One of_**  
**_the devices suddenly starts working._**

** TECHNICIAN  
** All right! We're finally getting something!

**146 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_The Head Scientist stands facing the President, who is looking more tired_**  
**_than ever._**

** HEAD SCIENTIST  
** The thing is sending out radio wavelengths!

** PRESIDENT  
** What the hell does it want with radio waves?

** HEAD SCIENTIST  
** ...Probably wants to make a call!

**_The President and his Generals look at him in astonishment._**

**147 INT. Saruman'S OFFICE  
**  
**_Picasso purrs contentedly on Saruman's lap. The phone rings._**

** SECRETARY (O.S.)  
** Mr. Sauron on the line.

**_Saruman shoots to his feet. Picasso tumbles to the floor. Saruman picks up_**  
**_the phone, both excited and uneasy. He stands there, almost coming to_**  
**_attention._**

** Saruman  
** Yes... Saruman here.

_**The voice is feeble. It comes from the far reaches of time, from the**_  
_**bowels of the universe.**_

** Sauron  
** Am I disturbing you?

** Saruman  
** No... not at all. Where are you?

**_Sauron's breathing is awesome._**

** Sauron  
** ...Not far, now.

** Saruman  
** Really? Maybe I can get you on my screen  
and see you at last!

**_Saruman brings up a huge screen and pushes a few buttons._**

**_In the middle of an electronic snowstorm, a blackish, vaguely human,_**  
**_quiverinq form appears. Two eyes, like lava, give an idea where the head is._**  
**_Saruman feels sick._**

** Sauron  
** Do you have the picture now Mr. Saruman?

** Saruman  
** Got it.

** Sauron  
** How's our deal coming along?

** Saruman  
** (ill at ease)  
Fine, just fine! I'll have the 4 pieces you  
asked for any time now. But it wasn't easy.  
My costs have tripled.

**_Sauron pauses an instant. A black slimy liquid starts to ooze from the_**  
**_top of the screen. Saruman is feeling worse all the time._**

** Sauron  
** Money is of no importance...  
I want the Stones!

**_The black liquid oozes all over the screen which starts to melt. Saruman_**  
**_sweats profusely, his legs tremble._**

** Saruman  
** The Stones will be here. I'll see to it  
personally!

** Sauron  
** ...I can't wait to be among you.

**_Saruman sighs and sits down totally freaked._**

**148 EXT. ORBIT FHLOSTON PARADISE  
**  
**_The space shuttle fills the screen. It banks left and begins its descent_**  
**_toward Fhloston, the turquoise planet. Crystal blue water, perfect white sand_**  
**_beaches. A true paradise._**

**149 INT. SPACE SHUTTLE  
**  
_**The stewardess picks up a microphone to make an announcement.**_

** STEWARDESS  
** Ladies and gentlemen, we have begun our  
descent toward Fhloston Paradise...

**_Stewardesses walk down the aisles waking the passengers one by one. They_**  
**_press a button on the door of each box._**

**_In the corner, Boromir and the stewardess awake with a start and_**  
**_straighten their clothes quickly. The stewardess is embarrassed._**

** STEWARDESS  
** (timidly)  
I wanted to tell you that...

**_Boromir puts on his sunglasses and presses a finger to her lips. He_**  
**_disappears behind the curtain leaving the sighing stewardess on her own._**

**150 EXT. FHLOSTON PARADISE  
**  
_**The spaceship descends through some clouds and glides over a vast**_  
_**turquoise sea. Fhloston Paradise looms into view. An enormous oceanliner**_  
_**floating a dozen yards above the water. On closer inspection it is more**_  
_**modern than a traditional oceanliner. The shuttle draws near, looking**_  
_**ridiculously small next to the monster. Like a sardine next to a whale.**_

**151 INT. COCKPIT  
**  
**_A blinking light goes on._**

** PILOT  
** Shit! Parasites in Zone 1. Take a look.

**_The 1st Mate heads off._**

**152 INT. CABIN  
**  
**A_ stewardess opens Legolas' box door. He is still heavy with sleep. He_**  
**_looks over at Chloe. She's not there._**

**153 EXT. FHLOSTON  
**  
_**The tiny space shuttle clings to the huge oceanliner.**_

**154 INT. COCKPIT  
**  
_**The Pilot maneuvers the ship into it's docking area.**_

** PILOT  
** Docking activated.  
You can let the passengers out.

**155 INT. REAR OF COCKPIT  
**  
_**The 1st mate pries open the door to an overhead panel. Gandalf falls**_  
_**out, hanging in a jumble of wires.**_

**156. INT. ENTRANCE HALL FHLOSTON PARADISE - DAY  
**  
**_The enormous door opens and the passengers exit. Chloe is among them._**  
**_She appears quite impressed by the beauty and luxury of the 19th century_**  
**_decoration._**

**157 INT. CABIN  
**  
**_Legolas attempts to make his way up the shuttle's aisle._**

** Legolas  
** (jostling everybody)  
Pardon me. Excuse me. I'm trying to  
reach my wife.. Sorry!

**158 INT. ENTRANCE HALL  
**  
**_A dozen policemen wait patiently at the end of the hall. Chloe stops_**  
**_and presses against the wall. She spots Legolas leaving the shuttle. A_**  
**_gorgeous HOSTESS comes up to him, drapes a lei around his neck and plants a_**  
**_kiss on his lips in welcome._**

** HOSTESS  
** (smiling)  
Welcome to Paradise.

**_Legolas's face is covered in lipstick. Chloe sees he did nothing to stop_**  
**_the girl and she doesn't like it._**

**_A HEFTY MAN wearing a sarong drapes some flowers around her neck. Then,_**  
**_obviously relishing it, he leans down to kiss her. Chloe bashes him on_**  
**_the forehead. The hefty man straightens up. He's still smiling, but his_**  
**_nose is bleeding. He falls slowly to the floor._**

**_Legolas pushes forward trying to spot Chloe. He also tries to wipe the_**  
**_lipstick off. Chloe tries to escape through a door marked PERSONNEL ONLY,_**  
**_but it's locked. A HOST looks at her with a grin._**

** HOST  
** (playful)  
If you don't have the code you can't  
open it!

**_Chloe smiles and punches in an old code and twists the doorknob. The_**  
**_door opens with the sound of a braking lock. Chloe smiles sweetly and enters_**  
**_as if nothing were amiss._**

**_A shriek of joy fills the room. Legolas turns around. The HOSTESSES_**  
**_cluster around Boromir as he comes out of the plane. Boromir spots Legolas_**  
**_and latches onto his arm. It's not going to be easy to remain discrete._**

** Boromir  
** (relieved)  
My main man! Please don't leave me here  
alone. My head's killing me and my adoring  
fans are gonna tear me apart! Get me outta  
here!

** Legolas  
** I'll take you to the bar, after that,  
you're on your own.

** Boromir  
** (hanging on to Legolas)  
Oh, yes! Do that! You treat me right,  
man. Tell me all about yourself, your  
roots, your personal life, your childhood  
dreams...

** Legolas  
** I don't think this is a good time...

** Boromir  
** ...You got brothers and sisters? What  
about your dad? Tell me about your  
dad! What was he like? Physically?  
Big, I suppose?

** Legolas  
** (evasive)  
Yeah, very big, a giant.

** Boromir  
** I didn't have a dad... never saw him...  
never even heard him. 50 billion people  
listen to me every day... and he doesn't  
hear me...

**159 INT. SMALL ROOM FHLOSTON PARADISE - DAY  
**  
**_Chloe is in a small room, ear at the door, listening. Everything seems_**  
**_normal. She turns and discovers the room for what it is: a rest room_**  
**_for... three cops who look up from their books and stare blankly at her._**  
**_Chloe doesn't know what to do. So she smiles._**

**160 INT. HALL - OMIT  
**  
**161 INT. MAIN HALL FHLOSTON PARADISE - OMIT  
**  
**162 EXT. ORBIT FHLOSTON PARADISE - DUSK - OMIT  
**  
**163 INT. THE CONTROL ROOM FHLOSTON PARADISE - DUSK - OMIT  
**  
**164 INT. Legolas'S STATEROOM  
**  
**_The door opens. The HOSTESS turns on the light and enters. Legolas_**  
**_follows her, gaping at all the luxury._**

**_The BAGGAGE BOY enters bringing Chloe's two suitcases._**

**_Legolas grabs the notice announcing Diva Galadhriel's concert at 5:30 in_**  
**_that evening. Dress: Formal attire._**

** Legolas  
** For the concert it says formal attire...  
I didn't bring...

**_The hostess pulls back the closet door. Twenty tuxedos in a row._**

** HOSTESS  
** (looking him over)  
Here's some champagne. I'll drop by after  
the concert to open it.

**_She gives him a blinding smile and closes the door._**

**_Legolas pushes a button. The curtains open to reveal a most spectacular_**  
**_view of the turquoise planet. Stars shoot out into infinity._**  
**_Breathtaking. Legolas stands gaping. The phone rings, snapping him out of_**  
**_his reverie._**

** Legolas  
** Hello?

** MOTHER (O.S.)  
** You little sleaze bag!

** Legolas  
** ...Ma?

** MOTHER (O.S.)  
** Don't you ever ask me for another thing  
in my life again, you've killed your  
poor mother with your own hands!

**_Legolas drops into an armchair and sighs. His eyes go to the ceiling._**

** Legolas  
** ...Ma!

**165 INT. CONTROL ROOM FHLOSTON PARADISE - OMIT  
**  
**166 INT. FHLOSTON PARADISE POLICE OFFICE - DAY  
**  
**_The Chief of Police has Gandalf in front of him, handcuffed._**

** FOG  
** The Diva's ship is coming in.

** CHIEF OF POLICE  
** I want maximum security.

** FOG  
** Yes. Sir!

** CHIEF OF POLICE  
** (to Gandalf)  
OK, let's hear it.

** Gandalf  
** Where was I?

** CHIEF OF POLICE  
** (bored)  
...You open the door. There's a cabby with  
a girl in his arms.

**_FOG opens the door. Two COPS come hobbling in all bloody and bandaged._**  
**_They hold up a THIRD COP._**

** CHIEF OF POLICE  
** What happened?  
A bomb go off in your face?

** BEAT-UP COP  
** Yeah... A 5 foot 5 inch bomb...  
with blue eyes.

Gandalf perks up.

** Gandalf  
** And the smile of an angel?

**_They all turn to look at him._**

** Gandalf  
** (to Chief)  
May I speak to you alone.

**167 INT. CORRIDOR FHLOSTON PARADISE - DAY  
**  
**_Chloe watches the Diva's arrival. A door opens and two POLICEMAN clear_**  
**_the way for DIVA Galadhriel, her MANAGER, her BODYGUARDS and a gaggle of_**  
**_PORTERS carrying trunks._**

**_Not wanting to draw attention to herself, Chloe feigns interest in a_**  
**_painting that is obviously upside down. A white chiffon veil covers the face_**  
**_of the Diva, she stops in front of Chloe. The Diva reaches out and_**  
**_strokes Chloe's face, without touching her. The Diva removes her hand_**  
**_making a sound of crackling electricity, then passes on. Chloe is groggy._**  
**_The Diva's ASSISTANT comes up to her._**

** DIVA'S ASSISTANT  
** Please forgive this little incident. She wants  
you to know that she senses great powers in  
you... in the service of a noble cause... She  
will give you what you have come to get, but  
she wants to sing first...  
One last time...

**_The Diva's assistant turns the painting right side up._**

** DIVA'S ASSISTANT  
** (nodding)  
Miss.

_**Chloe looks at the painting, seems to understand it better.**_

**168 EXT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_Policemen stand at attention in front of the Diva's suite._**

** FOG  
** Hello, I'm head of security.  
Everything is in order. You can...

**_The Diva enters her suite without letting him finish._**

** FOG  
** ...make yourselves at home safely.  
If you need anything...give it a knock!

**169 INT. POLICE OFFICE HALLWAY - NIGHT  
**  
**_A door opens near the police officer's main entrance. Gandalf looks_**  
**_both ways. Then crosses the hall, dragging the Chief of Police by the feet._**

**170 INT. Legolas'S STATEROOM  
**  
**_Legolas finishes putting on his tux, still on the phone._**

** Legolas  
** Listen, Ma! I've only got a few days  
vacation and I'll be damned if I'm  
gonna spend them on the phone.

**_The door RINGS._**

** Legolas  
** ...Hang on, it's the door. No!  
I told you I didn't bring anybody!  
I'm all alone... as usual!

**_Legolas opens the door. It's not the champagne. Even better. It's_**  
**_Chloe._**

** Legolas  
** (to his mother)  
...I'll call you back.

**_Chloe heads right for her suitcase and starts to undress. Legolas has to_**  
**_turn away once more._**

** Legolas  
** Here we go again...

** Chloe  
** (by rote)  
You know women normally change five  
times more than men.

** Legolas  
** You get that off the screen?

** Chloe  
** Yes... you know there's a lot of  
differences between men and women.

** Legolas  
** You noticed..

** Chloe  
** OK, you can turn around!

**_Legolas turns around. Chloe has put on a very simple dress which is sexy_**  
**_to the max. He is smitten. So much so that Chloe wonders if something_**  
**_isn't quite right._**

** Legolas  
** Where you going?

** Chloe  
** I'm going to see the Diva sing. What's  
the matter?... Do I look bad?

** Legolas  
** No, not at all! I mean, just the opposite,  
you're... you're beautiful!

**_Chloe smiles at him, his compliment pleases her. She turns, revealing_**  
**_her unzipped back. Legolas cannot help but stare at her bare flesh. Her_**  
**_perfect bottom._**

** Chloe  
** Do you know how this works?

**_Legolas's blood boils. She wriggles, pressing her hands together close to_**  
**_the zipper._**

** Legolas  
** I have an idea.

**_But instead of pulling on the zipper he slips a bracelet on her wrist. A_**  
**_florescent beam bursts out of the bracelet and forms a vertical bar going_**  
**_from the floor to the ceiling._**  
**_Stunned, Chloe is held captive._**

** Legolas  
** I told you I need to work in peace.  
Remember? I need to concentrate.

** Chloe  
** And you can't concentrate with me  
around?

** Legolas  
** It's difficult.

**_She tries to breakout._**

** Legolas  
** Army issue. I'm sorry.

**_Chloe tries desperately to get out of the handcuffs. Impossible._**

**_Legolas sets the radio down in front of her and turns it on._**  
**_Chloe looks like she'd like to break his head._**

** Chloe  
** (seething)  
You're nothing but a... a...

** Legolas  
** The words you're looking for weren't  
in the dictionary you studied. I won't  
be long.

**_The door flies open. Boromir barges in._**

** Boromir  
** Hey Stud we gotta...

**_Then he sees the scene, Chloe cuffed, in a low cut dress. His mind goes_**  
**_to the obvious._**

** Boromir  
** Legolas my man what's happening here?  
Who's the chick? What's the gig?  
We free forming here? Getting funky  
with the monkey? Can I get in on this?

**_Legolas grabs him by the collar.._**

** Legolas  
** No..to all of the above.

_**And yanks Boromir out of the room. Leaving Chloe looking extremely**_  
_**unhappy.**_

**171 INT. RADIO - OMIT  
**  
**172 INT. Boromir'S STATEROOM FHLOSTON PARADISE - NIGHT - OMIT  
**  
**173 INT. HALL - OMIT  
**  
**174 INT. BATHROOM - OMIT  
**  
**175 INT. DIVA'S SUITE FHLOSTON PARADISE - NIGHT - OMIT  
**  
**176 INT. FHLOSTON PARADISE OPERA - NIGHT  
**  
**_Boromir and Legolas enter what turns out to be a replica of the Garnier_**  
**_Opera in Paris. A hostess escorts them to their seats._**

** Boromir  
** (broadcasting)  
We have just walked into what is probably  
the most beautiful concert hall in the universe.  
Totally awesome! Magnificent paintings on the  
ceiling. I don't know who painted them, but he  
must have busted his balls! I see a row of former  
ministers, more sinister than minister! A few generals  
practicing how to sleep. And there's Baby Ray, star  
of stage and screen, drowning in a sea of nymphets.  
He's not gonna get much out of this concert, he's  
stone-deaf!

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
**_Baby Ray bending his ear to a girl asking for an autograph._**

** BABY RAY  
** ...to who?

** Boromir  
** (moving down the aisle)  
...And over there is Roy Von Bacon, the king  
of laserball and the best paid player in the League.  
(shakes hands as he goes by)  
...And over there is the Emperor Kodar Japhet  
whose daughter Aachen is still at the bar.  
"I love to sing, too, but in the shower", she  
recently confessed to me. She will no doubt  
prove to be as generous tonight as she always is.

**_A waiter gives them two glasses of champagne. Track with the WAITER an_**  
**_he leaves the hall with his empty tray. He enters a small room reserved for_**  
**_staff._**

**177 INT. STAFF ROOM FHLOSTON PARADISE - NIGHT  
**  
**_The waiter joins some other WAITERS. They are well armed. He opens a_**  
**_cupboard and pulls out a humongous weapon. Suddenly their faces burn off_**  
**_revealing AKANIT, the young leader of the Orcs, and his troops._**

** AKANIT  
** It's showtime!

**178 INT. CONCERT HALL  
**  
**_The lights dim slowly in the concert hall._**

**179 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_President Lindbergh and his staff, including Munro, sit at the desk._**  
**_Speakers appear._**

**180 INT. Legolas'S SUITE  
**  
**_Chloe, still a prisoner, listens to the concert._**

**181 INT. CONCERT HALL  
**  
**_Legolas is tense. The curtain rises. The Diva, in a stunning gown,_**  
**_stands in the center of the stage, head bowed. Behind her, a star filled_**  
**_window. The MUSIC begins. The Diva looks up, a rare beauty, but an alien._**  
**_And then she begins to sing. Her voice is divine, unmatched. Legolas is_**  
**_swept up in the TEARS._**

**182 INT. Legolas'S SUITE  
**  
_**Chloe has tears in her eyes**_

**183 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_The manager couldn't care less about the concert. His main problem is_**  
**_the bottle of scotch he can't seem to open. The doorbell RINGS._**

** MANAGER  
** (ugly mood)  
Yeah!?

** VOICE (O.S.)  
** Flowers for the Diva.

** MANAGER  
** She's allergic to flowers!

** VOICE (O.S.)  
** There's champagne as well...

**_The manager takes one look at the stubborn bottle and opens the door. And_**  
**_finds himself staring down the barrel of a gun. A dozen Orcs rush_**  
**_in. One of them, with a human face, closes the door and waits out in the hall._**

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
_**Gandalf watching from around the corner.**_

** Gandalf  
** ...My God!

**184 INT. CONTROL ROOM FHLOSTON PARADISE  
**  
** CAPTAIN  
** Commander, I have a ship with a main  
malfunction. He requests permission to  
dock for repairs.

** COMMANDER  
** Did you check out his registration number?

** CAPTAIN  
** Everything's in order.

** COMMANDER  
** Put him in the docking garage and inform  
the police.

**185 INT. COCKPIT ZFX200 - NIGHT  
**  
** CAPTAIN (V.O.)  
** Permission granted. Dock 575. You have  
an hour. Will that be enough time'?

**_Saruman sits at the controls._**

** Saruman  
** (cold)  
More than enough.

**186 EXT. FHLOSTON PARADISE - NIGHT  
**  
**_The ZFX approaches Fhloston._**

**187 INT. Legolas' SUITE  
**  
**_The ship comes close enough for Chloe to see it out the window._**

** FLASHBACK:  
**  
**_The same ships with Orcs at the controls attack the Mondoshawans at_**  
**_the beginning of our story._**

**188 INT. Legolas'S SUITE  
**  
**_Chloe is alarmed. She has to act. She seizes the florescent bar beam_**  
**_with great effort and rams it into the ceiling, marking a hole large enough_**  
**_for her to escape._**

**189 INT. CLOSET FHLOSTON PARADISE  
**  
_**Gandalf bursts into the closet he left the Chief of Police tied and**_  
_**gagged in. He quickly unties him.**_

** Gandalf  
** (in a panic)  
Orcs! The Diva's suite! They want  
the Sacred Stones! They must be stopped.  
We must stop them! I'm going to free you  
but you must promise to help me!

**_The Chief of Police nods his agreement._**

**190 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
_**The Orcs have trashed the suite. One of the Orcs finally**_  
_**finds a case engraved with the four elements.**_

** Orc  
** I have it.

**_The Orc is about to open the case when... Chloe descends quietly_**  
**_and gracefully from the ceiling. Time stands still._**

** Chloe  
** (smiling)  
Apipoulai!

**191 INT. CONCERT HALL  
**  
**_The Diva switches from classical music to funk, picking up the tempo._**

** INTERCUT':  
**  
**192 INT. DIVA'S SUITE / CONCERT HALL.  
**  
**_A WARRIOR whips out the biggest knife ever made and rushes Chloe. She_**  
**_disarms him gracefully. A violent fight breaks out. The Diva sings and_**  
**_Chloe dances. The Orcs pay a heavy price for the show._**

**193 INT. CORRIDOR  
**  
**_Hearing noise from inside the suite, the Orc by the door gets_**  
**_nervous. He runs for reinforcements._**

**194 INT. POLICE STATION  
**  
_**Gandalf enters the police station wearing handcuffs. The Chief of**_  
_**Police is behind him holding a gun.**_

**195 INT. DIVA'S SUITE / CONCERT HALL  
**  
**_Chloe knocks out the last Orc just as the Diva finishes her song_**  
**_to a burst of applause. The Diva takes a bow. So does Chloe._**

**196 INT. ROOM  
**  
**_Akanit and his men listen to the concert. The Orc guard runs in._**

** Orc  
** They were waiting for us! It was an  
ambush!

** AKANIT  
** If it's war they want it's war they'll get!  
Enact the Final Plan!

_**All the Orcs cock their weapons.**_

**197 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_Chloe is about to open the case when the door EXPLODES. Saruman is there_**  
**_holding a ZF1._**

** Saruman  
** My compliments, little lady!  
...And thanks for doing all the dirty work!  
I couldn't have done it any better myself!  
(sharply)  
...Now hand over the Stones!

**_Chloe smiles and hands him the case. Saruman arms the ZF1 and gets ready_**  
**_to kill her._**

** Saruman  
** Nice knowing you.

**_Chloe catches on quickly. She kicks the scotch bottle on the floor into_**  
**_the gun which throws Saruman's shot off. She jumps to the ceiling and_**  
**_disappears in an air vent. Furious, Saruman fires at the ceiling._**

**198 INT. AIRSHAFT  
**  
_**Chloe dodges the bullets as best as she can.**_

**199 INT. SUITE  
**  
**_Saruman fires his 3000 round clip. The ceiling looks like a piece of swiss_**  
**_cheese. Saruman sticks a small cylinder in the wall and flicks it on. The_**  
**_numbers flashing by tell us it's a bomb. The timer reads: 19 minutes and 59_**  
**_seconds._**

** Saruman  
** (with a crafty smile)  
You can run but you can't hide...

**200 INT. POLICE OFFICE FHLOSTON PARADISE - NIGHT  
**  
**_Gandalf is seated opposite the Chief of Police. A MEDIC is bandaging_**  
**_the chief's head. The door explodes. The cop outside in riddled with_**  
**_bullets. A dozen Orcs attack the police office. Akanit is at_**  
**_their head. The policemen are caught unaware._**

** AKANIT  
** Nobody move! We're taking over this  
ship!

**_The Chief of Police is goggle-eyed. Gandalf leans toward him._**

** Gandalf  
** (pleased with himself)  
I told you...

**201 INT. CORRIDOR  
**  
**_Saruman has the case and exits the suite just as the general alarm goes off._**  
**_He sighs in exasperation._**

**202 INT. CONCERT HALL  
**  
**_Three Orcs suddenly rush into the opera hall shooting._**

** Orc 1  
** Everyone down!

**_There is panic all around._**

** Boromir  
** (broadcasting, panic stricken)  
Ladies and gentlemen, I think we're being...  
attacked. The place is crawling with warriors.

**203 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_President Lindberg and his generals look very worried._**

**204 INT. CONCERT HALL  
**  
**_Some security guards open fire one of the Orcs is hit. The others_**  
**_turn their guns on the cops. People scream, diving for cover. Legolas bides_**  
**_his time._**

**_More Orcs rush in from all around shooting. Two cops are killed._**  
**_The Diva... takes a bullet._**

**_She falls from the stage into Legolas's arms. He lowers her to the floor._**  
**_Legolas ignores the panic all around and wraps her in his dinner jacket,_**  
**_trying to stop the blue blood spurting from her wounds._**

**205 EXT./ INT. SPACE AROUND FHLOSTON  
**  
**_Saruman's ZFX200 speeds away from the boat. Saruman is at the controls, a_**  
**_devilish smile on his lips._**

** Saruman  
** You want something done, do it yourself!

**206 INT. CONCERT HALL  
**  
**_Fighting rages all around in the concert hall, but Legolas is oblivious to_**  
**_it. He sets the Diva's head delicately on the floor. Boromir is hidden_**  
**_nearby, still on the air._**

** Boromir  
** (voice low, panicked)  
They're hideous. They've got a crest on  
the head, the eyes of a toad and fingers  
all over their hands. Totally hideous!

**207 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE.  
**  
** MUNRO  
** (worried)  
...Orcs!

** PRESIDENT  
** Send a battalion out immediately!

**208 INT. CONCERT HALL  
**  
** Legolas  
** (to the Diva)  
I was sent by the government to help you.

** DIVA  
** Don't worry. This is my fate...  
How was the concert?

**_Legolas is a little surprised, but... the Diva is an artist._**

** Legolas  
** I've never heard anything so beautiful  
in my life.

_**A Orc jumps on them from the stage. Legolas makes short work of him**_  
_**and grabs his gun.**_

** DIVA  
** (weak)  
You're a good man...  
She was right to have chosen you...

** Legolas  
** Who?

** DIVA  
** The Fifth Element...  
The Supreme Being... Your wife...

**_Legolas is floored._**

** Legolas  
** Chloe... is... she's...

** DIVA  
** Yes, and more than that... You must  
give her the Stones, she's the only one  
who knows how to use them.

** Legolas  
** (to himself, suddenly  
realizing)  
...So Gandalf was telling the truth!

**209 INT. POLICE STATION  
**  
**_The Orcs tie up Gandalf and the Chief of Police together._**

** Gandalf  
** (to the Chief of Police)  
Of course I was telling you the truth!...  
If you had listened to me in the first place,  
we wouldn't be in this predicament now!

**210 INT. CONCERT HALL  
**  
**_Legolas wastes two more Orcs._**

** DIVA  
** She needs you. She needs your help and  
your love. She's more fragile than she seems...

**_Legolas looks around, ready for another attack._**

** Legolas  
** ...Yeah, so am I.

**_The Diva takes his hand._**

** DIVA  
** She was taught to love the life of others...  
but not her own. You have to teach her  
to love if you want her to truly live!

** Legolas  
** (uncomfortable)  
I'll help her, I promise, but I think you  
should tell me where the Stones are!

** DIVA  
** Do you love her?

** Legolas  
** I... I don't know! We hardly know  
each other... it takes time!

** DIVA  
** I don't have time... I need to know.

** Legolas  
** Listen, the last time I admitted to a woman  
I loved her ... I never saw her again.

** DIVA  
** I would like to have died in peace...

**_The Diva's eyes close._**

**211 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_The timer on Saruman's bomb clicks over to "15 minutes"._**

**212 INT. CONCERT HALL  
**  
** Legolas  
** You tell me to save the world then  
you go off and leave me in the shit!

**_He shakes her, gently slapping her cheeks._**

** Legolas  
** Come on! You're not gonna die in peace!  
You're not going to die at all! You hear me?  
Where are the Stones?

**213 INT. SPACESHIP  
**  
**_Saruman sets the Sacred Case on a table in the cockpit. He opens it with a_**  
**_complacent smile: It's empty!_**

**_He cannot believe his eyes. He goes berserk, destroying everything in_**  
**_sight._**

**214 INT. CONCERT HALL  
**  
**_Legolas slaps the Diva soundly. She comes around somewhat._**

** Legolas  
** I'm sorry, but... the Stones...

** DIVA  
** (very weak)  
They are... with me...

**_The Diva dies. Blue blood streams from her mouth. Legolas frisks the_**  
**_Diva but doesn't find anything. The shooting slowly stops in the theatre._**  
**_The Orcs are now in total control._**

** Orc 2  
** Stay calm and nobody will get hurt!  
Hands on your head and into the hall!

The guests comply

** Legolas  
** (to himself)  
...The Stones are with me?

**_and then it occurs to him._**

** Legolas  
** ...In me?

**_He touches the Diva's stomach and senses something hard. Girding_**  
**_himself, he sticks his hand in the wound and pulls out a Sacred Stone._**  
**_Then another. And another. Legolas pulls out all four Stones, covered in blue_**  
**_blood. Everyone has left the theater. The Orcs check the aisles one_**  
**_by one._**

**_Boromir peeks out from under a seat._**

** Boromir  
** Don't you think we'd better be going?

**_A Orc spots Legolas kneeling alongside the Diva. He grabs Legolas by_**  
**_the shoulder and pokes him with his gun._**

** Orc  
** Hey, you! With the others!

**_Legolas spins and, in one swift motion, breaks his arm. Just for_**  
**_starters. Another WARRIOR rushes over. Legolas punches him into oblivion_**  
**_and snatches the gun._**

** Legolas  
** That's it... I've had... all day people  
have been sticking guns in my face...

**_Legolas wraps up the four Stones in his shirt._**

** Boromir  
** Legolas man... These dudes are going  
to waste us if we don't do what they say.

**_Legolas gives him the package and grabs his mike._**

** Legolas  
** You don't do what I say... I'll waste  
you myself. Got it?

** Boromir  
** Got it...

**215 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_President Lindberg dabs his sweaty face with a towel._**

**216 INT. POLICE STATION  
**  
_**Akanit is still in the police station facing control screens. He barks**_  
_**into a**_  
_**walkie-talkie.**_

** AKANIT  
** What's the situation in the hall?

**217 INT. HALL  
**  
_**Hostages are being gathered in the middle of the hall. They are**_  
_**surrounded by Orcs who guard them.**_

** MUGGER  
** (into walkie-talkie)  
There's no more resistance.  
Everything's under control.

**_Three Orcs are suddenly blasted through the glass door leading to_**  
**_the theater. Legolas bursts into the hall, two huge guns in his hands._**

** Legolas  
** Everybody down!

**_Legolas takes out two more WARRIORS coming towards him, rolls behind a_**  
**_column._**  
**_Laser bullets stinging all around his head._**

** Boromir  
** This is amazing! Legolas, Legolas Greenleaf,  
the winner of the Gemini Croquette  
contest just killed three warriors like he was  
swatting flies...

**_Panic everywhere! Heavy firing fills the hall._**

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
_**Roy von Bacon, the laserball player, rises from the floor behind a**_  
_**Orc, grabs him and smashes his head into a column, seizing the gun.**_

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
**_Two Orcs firing a huge machine gun at the column Legolas is using_**  
**_for cover._**  
**_He dives for cover behind the bar._**

** ANGLE ON:  
**  
**_Two Orcs watch awestruck. Roy whistles behind them. The two_**  
**_Orcs turn around. Roy bonks their heads together._**

** Boromir  
** It's Roy von Bacon, the Lions center  
forward joining in the battle...

**_Someone taps Boromir on the shoulder. He jumps with fright._**

** PRINCESS AACHEN  
** (hot to trot)  
All this is terribly exciting, hmmm?

**_Boromir covers his mike._**

** Boromir  
**** GET OFF MY BACK!  
**  
**_A Orc shoots in their direction. Boromir flattens himself on the_**  
**_floor. A vase falls on the Princess knocking her out. A Orc loads_**  
**_some missiles in his gun and destroys the bar piece by piece forcing Legolas to_**  
**_move forward. Legolas motions to Baby Ray hiding under the pool table._**

** Legolas  
** Toss me the balls!

** BABY RAY  
** (terrified, still deaf)  
What?

**_Another piece of the bar explodes._**

** Legolas  
** The balls for Christ's sake!

**_Legolas apes playing pool, but Baby Ray really is stone-deaf._**

** EMPEROR JAPHET  
** He wants the balls! You deaf or something?

**_The EMPEROR rolls the balls over to Legolas. The Orc loads more_**  
**_missiles and shatters another part of the bar. Legolas hides behind the last_**  
**_bit left._**

** Legolas  
** How far is he from here?

**_The EMPEROR glances at the Orc, who in reloading._**

** EMPEROR  
** I'd say about thirty yards to the left.

**_Legolas hefts the ball, jumps up and hurls it with blinding speed. The_**  
**_Orc catches it right in the head. He drops, firing in the air. The_**  
**_missile strikes the ceiling which collapses on him. The emperor gives Legolas_**  
**_a thumb's up._**

** Boromir  
** ...And our man Legolas has literally  
knocked out the opposition with an  
amazing 90 foot pitch.

**_The COPS on the floor rise, scoop up weapons from dead Orcs and lay_**  
**_down a line of fire at the last of the fleeing rebels . Roy whirls his arm_**  
**_in victory._**

** FOG  
** Thanks for your help.

** Legolas  
** Forget it.

**_Legolas grabs Boromir and takes him with him._**

**218 INT. Legolas'S SUITE  
**  
**_Legolas bursts into the room. He stares at the luminous bar still struck_**  
**_to the ground and sees the hole Chloe escaped through._**

** Legolas  
** Chloe?

**219 INT. DIVA'S SUITE - CEILING  
**  
**_Chloe in bleeding all over. She can barely move._**

** Chloe  
** (feeble)  
Leg... o... las...

**220 EXT. NEAR FHLOSTON  
**  
**_The ZFX 200 speeds back toward Fhloston Paradise._**

**221 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_The bomb timer now reads 10 minutes._**

**222 INT. POLICE STATION HALLWAY - FHLOSTON PARADISE  
**  
**_The last of the Orcs have barricaded themselves in the back of the_**  
**_station and shoot at anything that tries to enter. Legolas joins the_**  
**_policemen already there._**

** COP 1  
** Hey, who are you?

** Legolas  
** The winner of the Gemini Croquette contest.

**_Legolas goes to the door and peeks around the corner. Boromir arrives._**

** Legolas  
** Seven to the left. Five to the right.

** COP  
** What's he doing?

**_Legolas leans around the corner and fires rapidly._**

** Legolas  
** Six to the left. One to the right.

** Boromir  
** He's on vacation.

** Legolas  
** (reloading)  
We got to find the leader. Orcs  
don't fight without a leader.

**223 INT. POLICE STATION  
**  
**_Akanit gets up, grabs Gandalf by the throat and put a gun to his head._**

** AKANIT  
** One more shot and we start killing  
hostages, got that?

**224 INT. POLICE STATION HALLWAY  
**  
** Legolas  
** Found him...

** AKANIT  
** (tense)  
Send someone to negotiate!

** Legolas  
** Mind if I go? I'm an excellent  
negotiator.

** COP 1  
** Uh... Sure, go ahead.

_**Legolas gets ready.**_

** COP 1  
** We're sending someone in who's  
authorized to negotiate.

**225 INT. POLICE STATION  
**  
**_Legolas walks quickly into the room, heads straight for Akanit, raises his_**  
**_gun and puts a bullet through his head._**

** Legolas  
** Anyone else want to negotiate?

** COP 2  
** (to another Cop)  
Where'd he learn to negotiate like that?

**226 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** MUNRO  
** From us!

**_The President gives Munro a hard look._**

**227 INT. CONTROL ROOM  
**  
**_The police round up the remaining Orcs. Legolas is at the control_**  
**_center screens trying to find Chloe. Gandalf comes over to him,_**  
**_embarrassed._**

** Gandalf  
** You're probably very angry with me and  
I quite understand. But I want you to  
know I'm fighting for a noble cause.

** Legolas  
** Yeah, I know... to save the world... but  
right now all I want to do is save Chloe.

** Gandalf  
** Chloe's in trouble?

** Legolas  
** When is she not in trouble?

** Gandalf  
** Uh.. Have you tried the Diva's suite?

**_Legolas realizes that Gandalf in probably right._**

**228 INT. FHLOSTON PARADISE LANDING DOCK AND GARAGE  
**  
_**The ZFX200 settles in the landing dock garage. SECURITY POLICE approach**_  
_**the ship just as Saruman in getting out holding the ZF1.**_

** POLICEMAN  
** More trouble?

** Saruman  
** Nothing I can't fix myself.

**_He brings up the ZF1 and wipes out the garage._**

**229 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_Legolas enters the Diva's suite which is in shambles. He looks_**  
**_everywhere, but finds nothing._**

**230 INT. AIRSHAFT  
**  
**_Chloe lies in a pool of blood. She hears something below her._**

**231 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_Exhausted, Boromir wipes his forehead and finds himself face to face_**  
**_with the bomb stuck on the wall._**

**_Legolas in busy looking for Chloe._**

** Legolas  
** (loudly)  
Chloe?

**_Up in the airshaft, Chloe has heard him._**

** Chloe  
** Legolas...

**_Her voice is too weak, Legolas can't hear her._**

** Boromir  
** Legolas man... what the hell is this?

**_Legolas gives the bomb a prefunctory glance._**

** Legolas  
** A molecular bomb.

**_Three minutes left on the timer._**

** Boromir  
** (increasingly worried)  
And, uh, what're these numbers clicking  
by?

** Gandalf  
** Probably the time remaining before it  
**_explodes._**

**_Gandalf smiles and continues his search._**

** Boromir  
** (weak smile)  
You're just saying that to scare me! Right?  
If it was a bomb, an alarm would've gone off.  
There's bomb detectors in all these hotels!

**_A general alarm goes off. Boromir is crushed._**

**232 INT. MAIN HALL  
**  
**_The lights flicker._**

** VOICE (O.S.)  
** This is a Type A alert. For security reasons  
the hotel must be evacuated. Please proceed  
calmly to the lifeboats located in the main  
hallways.

**_A wave of panic engulfs the hall. The cops are unable to hold back the_**  
**_crowd as it stampedes to the exits._**

**233 INT. CORRIDOR  
**  
**_Saruman marches down the corridor shooting everyone in his path._**

**234 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_Boromir stands paralyzed in front of the flashing timer. Less than two_**  
**_minutes left._**

** Boromir  
** Maybe we oughta be going,  
what do you think?

** Legolas  
** Not without Chloe.

**_Boromir cannot take his eyes off the bomb._**

** Boromir  
** Like G-Man, I hate to bother you but uh,  
like, we're down to 2 minutes here...

**_Legolas breathes out, bothered. He turns his attention to the bomb._**

** Legolas  
** It's the latest model.. I've never seen one  
before... it works off a magnetic coded  
card... Let's see if I can rig it up.

**235 INT. AIRSHAFT  
**  
**_Chloe sticks her fingers out one of the bullet holes and lets some of_**  
**_her blood drip down._**

**_The blood splats on Legolas's hand. He snaps his head up and knows_**  
**_immediately who is up there. He forgets about the bomb._**

** Boromir  
** Hey! What are you doing? The bomb!

**_Legolas drags the desk over, jumps on it and pokes his head in the torn up_**  
**_airshaft He spots Chloe who gives him a weak smile._**

** Legolas  
** Don't worry, I'm here now!

**_He pulls her toward him, helps her out of the shaft and stretches her out_**  
**_on the desk._**

** Legolas  
** Just relax. I've got the Stones.  
Everything's going to be fine.

**_30 seconds left on the timer._**

** Boromir  
** (falling to pieces)  
Like Legolas, can I have 30 seconds of  
your time here?

** Legolas  
** (to Chloe)  
I'll be right back.

**_Legolas dashes over to the bomb. He is stopped by the barrel of the ZF1._**  
**_Saruman, in person, holding a magnetic card._**

** Saruman  
** (smiling)  
Allow me...

**_Saruman slips a small magnetic card in the bomb, it starts to count down_**  
**_from 5 minutes._**

** Saruman  
** Just for the fun of it.

**_Boromir faints._**

** Saruman  
** Well, what do we have here? Is this  
Legolas Greenleaf? The famous winner of  
the Gemini Croquette contest?  
Or is this Legolas Greenleaf from Special  
Section sent by old Lindberg himself.

**_Legolas doesn't reply._**

** Saruman  
** ...In any event, whoever you are,  
I was glad to meet you.

**_Saruman fires at Legolas who figures he is dead. Nothing. Saruman tries again._**  
**_Nada. The clip is empty. Saruman starts to panic._**

** Saruman  
** ...A 3000 round clip! I didn't fire off  
3000 rounds... did I?

** Legolas  
** Don't you know how to count.  
It's not all that hard. Watch!

**_Legolas punches him square in the face, shows him his index._**

** Legolas  
** One! That's for trying to kill me!

**_Second Punch._**

** Legolas  
** Two! That's for firing me! Three!  
That's for pushing around a priest!  
And the rest is for what you did to  
my wife!

**_Legolas pummels him mercilessly._**

**236 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_President Lindberg prefers closing his eyes. Munro's shoulders move as_**  
**_if he were beating on Saruman._**

**237 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_Saruman falls to the floor, beaten to a pulp. The timer clicks over to 3_**  
**_minutes._**

** Legolas  
** We're outta here!

**_He picks Chloe up in his arms._**

**_Gandalf grabs Boromir and gives him a resounding slap._**

** Boromir  
** Are you nuts, Father? That hurts! I  
can't feel my teeth.

** Gandalf  
** Doesn't matter all you need are your  
legs.

**238 EXT. FHLOSTON PARADISE - NIGHT  
**  
**_The lifeboats launch from the hotel and fly out into space._**

**239 INT. FHLOSTON PARADISE LANDING DOCK GARAGE  
**  
Legolas (carrying Chloe), Gandalf and Boromir are in the garage.

** VOICE (O.S.)  
** Two minutes to complete evacuation...

**_Legolas bursts the lock on the first ship he finds and enters followed by_**  
**_Gandalf and Boromir. The ZFX200._**

**240 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_Saruman starts to come around._**

**241 INT. ZFX200  
**  
**_Legolas sets Chloe down._**

**242 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_Saruman picks up his ZF1, unaware of the bomb and the countdown._**

** Saruman  
** I didn't fire three thousand rounds...

**243 INT. ZFX2O0 COCKPIT  
**  
** VOICE (O.S.)  
** One minute to total evacuation...

** Boromir  
** You know how to fly this thing?

** Legolas  
** (concentrating)  
It's like a cab isn't it?

** VOICE  
** 30 seconds...

** Legolas  
** Anyone know how to release the lines  
on this crate?

**244 INT. DIVA'S SUITE  
**  
**_Saruman is busy with the ZF1 when the bomb starts to BEEP signaling the last_**  
**_ten seconds. Saruman is terror stricken. He pushes a button and holds the_**  
**_ZF1 over his head._**

** Saruman  
** (loudly)  
Maximum Protection.

**_A mauve-coloured magnetic shield closes around Saruman like an indestructible_**  
**_sarcophagus._**

**245 INT. ZFX200 COCKPIT  
**  
**_Gandalf and Boromir are bent over the buttons looking for a way to_**  
**_release the lines._**

** VOICE (O.S.)  
**** 6... 5...  
**  
** Legolas  
** Found it?

**_Boromir searches frantically._**

** Boromir  
** I don't even know what I'm looking for!

** Legolas  
** Fuck it! Hold tight!

**_Legolas slams the throttle into full forward. The ship roars away ripping_**  
**_the lines to shreds._**

**_Boromir is thrown to the rear of the ship._**

** CUT TO:  
**  
**_The counter goes 1... 0_**

**_-The suite disintegrates - The corridor is consumed._**

**_-The main hall is no more._**

**246 EXT. FHLOSTON PARADISE  
**  
**_The ZFX200 jets away as the enormous oceanliner explodes behind it._**

**247 INT. ZFX200  
**  
**_The ship stops shaking. That was a close one. Everyone's relieved._**

** Legolas  
** Solid little jobs, aren't they?

** Boromir  
** (broadcasting, exhausted)  
Dear listeners, your favorite DJ is alive and  
kicking. It's seven o'clock and time for the  
news. Tune in tomorrow for another adventure.

** VOCODER (O.S.)  
** Beep. End of transmission.

**_Boromir lets out a huge sigh._**

** Boromir  
** (to the others)  
The best show I ever did!

**248 EXT. PLANET FHLOSTON  
**  
**_A magnetic sarcophagus crosses the Fhloston sky and crashes into a_**  
**_glacier._**

**249 EXT. FHLOSTON  
**  
_**Saruman appears in the middle of the ice. He takes a portable phone out of**_  
_**the ZF1.**_

** Saruman  
** How's that? Can you hear me better  
now?

** SECRETARY (O.S.)  
** Yes, Mr. Saruman, I hear you perfectly!  
So, how was the concert?

** Saruman  
** Who gives a shit! I didn't come here to  
listen to music! Listen up instead of  
running off at the mouth!  
The batteries on my phone are almost gone.

** SECRETARY (O.S.)  
** Yes, Sir!

** Saruman  
** Dispatch me another ZFX200 immediately.  
Someone stole mine.

** SECRETARY (O.S.)  
** Right away, Sir. I'll send you a new one to  
the hotel.

** Saruman  
** I'm not at the hotel!

** Saruman  
** Hello?...

** BEEPER (O.S.)  
** Battery dead.

**_Saruman is all alone, lost, in the middle of the glacier._**

** Saruman  
** (to himself)  
Stay calm... stay calm...

**250 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_General Munro enters the office with a smile._**

** MUNRO  
** Major Greenleaf has the Five Elements on  
board. The priest is guiding them directly  
to the temple.

**_President Lindberg closes his eyes in relief._**

** PRESIDENT  
** Thank God! We've been saved!

**_A SCIENTIST rushes in._**

** SCIENTIST  
** Mr. President.

** PRESIDENT  
** Yes? Now, what?

**251 EXT. SPACE  
**  
**_A ball of fire, all-powerful Evil, speeds across the screen with three_**  
**_Federal Army warships following along behind it as best they can._**

**252 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** PRESIDENT  
** What do you mean, "its advancing"?!

**253 INT. COCKPIT FEDERATED WARSHIP  
**  
** COMMANDER  
** It's not only advancing, but it's moving at  
incredible speed! We're having trouble  
following it.

**254 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** PRESIDENT  
** (to Scientist)  
...And... Do you have any idea where it's  
heading?

**_The scientist is hard to put to answer, he shakes his head._**

**255 INT. ZFX200 COCKPIT - NIGHT  
**  
**_Legolas gently wipes Chloe's forehead with a cloth. She opens her eyes a_**  
**_little._**

** Legolas  
** (gentle, loving)  
Apipoulai..

**_Chloe smiles, weakly, feverish._**

** Chloe  
** I'm so very sad.

** Legolas  
** Why? We did pretty well, wouldn't  
you say?

** Chloe  
** Five hundred wars... Arms... Drugs...  
Money...  
Everything you create is used to destroy...

** Legolas  
** I told you not to read all that crap!

** Chloe  
** Protect life... Until death.

**_Her eyes close and she falls back asleep. Legolas is worried. She seems_**  
**_so depressed. Gandalf enters._**

** Gandalf  
** There's a General on the phone...  
His name's Mambo, I think.

**256 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** MUNRO  
** Munro here. President Lindberg wants  
to talk to you. Hold the line.

**_The President clears his throat and takes the phone._**

** PRESIDENT  
** Major, first off, I want to thank you,  
in my name and in the name of the  
Federation...

**257 INT. ZFX200 / PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** PRESIDENT (O.S.)  
** For the praiseworthy courage you have  
shown us! I'd like to congratulate General  
Munro for his choice. He found the ideal  
man for such a...

** Legolas  
** (to the point)  
So now what's the problem?

**_The President drops into his armchair and sighs._**

** PRESIDENT  
** There's a ball of fire 1,200 miles in diameter  
heading straight for the earth. And we have  
no idea how to stop it! ...That's the problem.

**_Legolas thinks fast. The Priest is with him. The Five Elements are on_**  
**_board._**

** Legolas  
** How much time before the collision?

**_The President queries the scientist with a nod of the head._**

** SCIENTIST  
** If its speed remains constant... in an  
hour and 57 minutes.

** Legolas (O.S.)  
** I'll call you back in two hours.

**_Legolas hangs up. The President looks stunned._**

**258 EXT. SPACE  
**  
**_The ZFX200 shifts to the speed of light and vanishes in the star-studded_**  
**_cosmos._**

**259 INT. CHAPEL  
**  
**_Pippin is asleep. He is woken by the sound of..._**

**260 EXT. DESERT - DAWN  
**  
**_The ZFX200 is parked in the middle of the desert._**

**_Legolas walks ahead carrying Chloe. Gandalf has the four Stones with_**  
**_him._**  
**_Barely awake, Boromir stumbles along. Pippin appears at the door of the_**  
**_chapel._**

** Pippin  
** You're all safe. Thanks be to God!

** Gandalf  
** Later, Pippin! Later!  
There's not a minute to lose!

**_The small group enters the chapel._**

**261 INT. CHAPEL  
**  
**_Gandalf pushes the group onto the altar which is surrounded by a wooden_**  
**_barrier. Gandalf stands in front of the cross._**

** Legolas  
** Excuse me, Father, but... could we pray  
later?

**_Gandalf bends the cross and pushes it down. A mechanism is set off_**  
**_lowering the altar like a service elevator._**

**_The altar descends amid rocky walls._**

**262 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** MUNRO  
** They just landed in the desert.

** PRESIDENT  
** (sweating)  
How much time is left?

**263 EXT. SPACE  
**  
**_Earth is in view. The Dark Planet fills the screen and heads for the_**  
**_blue planet._**

**264 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** SCIENTIST  
** About nine minutes.

**_President Lindberg has trouble breathing._**

**265 INT. TEMPLE  
**  
**_Lit by torches, Legolas sets Chloe delicately on the altar in the exact_**  
**_center of the four elements. Gandalf looks over the four Stones every_**  
**_which way._**

** Gandalf  
** (panic-stricken)  
Uh, this one... must be water!

It's obvious he doesn't know where to put it.

** Legolas  
** Don't tell me you don't know how all  
this works?

** Gandalf  
** Theoretically, yes! The four Stones form  
the beam and the Fifth Element is supposed  
to stand in the middle there, but...  
I don't have the reference book.  
I've never seen the Stones work!

**_Legolas can't believe his ears. He tears the Stone out of Gandalf' hand_**  
**_and studies the inscriptions. He goes over to one of the four bases the_**  
**_stones rest on and tries to figure it out. The symbol of air is on the Stone,_**  
**_the same as on the base._**

** Legolas  
** Match the symbols!

**_Legolas places the first Stone and picks up another one. Gandalf has_**  
**_found the symbol for water. Boromir sits down. He is very tired._**

** Boromir  
** What is this some kinda game? Like  
chess?

**_Legolas pulls him to his feet and sticks a Stone in his hands._**

** Legolas  
** No. It's much simpler. If we don't figure  
out where these Stones go in five minutes,  
we're all dead! Think you got it?

**_Boromir's got it and runs over to put in his Stone. The four Stones are_**  
**_all in place but nothing happens._**

** Legolas  
** There's no light! You told me there were  
supposed to be four beams of light.

** Gandalf  
** (lost)  
Yes, of course, but... The Stones are shut!  
They have to be open for it to work.

** Legolas  
** And you don't know how they open,  
is that what you are saying?

** Gandalf  
** That's what I'm saying.

**266 EXT. SPACE  
**  
**_The Dark Planet closes in on Earth rapidly._**

**267 INT. CHAPEL  
**  
**_Legolas leans over Chloe._**

** Legolas  
** Chloe? The Stones! We have to open  
them! How does it work?

** Chloe  
** (feeble)  
The wind blows... the fire burns...

** Legolas  
** I know all that, Chloe! I'm talking  
about the Stones.

** Chloe  
** ...The rain falls...

**_Legolas is desperate. Chloe's too weak, he won't get anything more out_**  
**_of her._**  
**_He darts over to a Stone and turns it over and over._**

** Legolas  
** The rain falls... the wind blows?

**_Boromir stands in front of his Stone looking at Legolas._**

** Legolas  
** Try and figure out how this fucking thing  
opens, instead of staring at me like that!

**_Boromir starts feeling the Stone all around._**

** Boromir  
** (afraid)  
I'm looking, I'm looking.

**268 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_The tension is palpable in the President's office._**

** SCIENTIST  
** ...Three minutes.

** MUNRO  
** We've lost contact with them.

**269 INT. CHAPEL  
**  
**_Legolas and Gandalf turn the Stones every which way. All to no avai1._**  
**_Boromir is discouraged._**

** Boromir  
** ...we'll never make it.

**_He sighs. Three hooks pop off the Stone. Boromir can't believe his_**  
**_eyes._**

** Boromir  
** It... it moved! Legolas! Legolas!

**_Legolas rushes over, looks at the Stone. Hooks are undone._**

** Legolas  
** What did you say? What did you do?

** Boromir  
** Nothing! Swear to God, I didn't do  
nothing!

** Legolas  
** Look, you did something that set it off.  
Try to remember. Concentrate. Tell me  
exactly what you did!

**_Boromir tries to duplicate the same movement._**

** Boromir  
** I was like this... With my hands here and...  
I said, "We'll never make it!" That's all!

**_Nothing happens._**

** Legolas  
** Is that all?

** Boromir  
** Yeah... then I sighed... like this.

**_Boromir sighs, really depressed this time. The Stone opens even more._**  
**_Legolas's got it._**

** Legolas  
** The wind! The wind blows...

**_Legolas blows on the Stone which immediately opens revealing a patch of_**  
**_blue sky with some miniature clouds floating around inside. A yellow beam_**  
**_pops up like a ray of sunlight, like Legolas' smile._**

** Legolas  
** Quickly, everyone on a Stone!  
Water for water! Fire for fire!  
Earth for earth!

**_The two men move fast. Legolas on the 4th Stone: Earth. He grabs a_**  
**_fistful of earth and throws it on the Stone. A miniature patch of green_**  
**_appears and immediately forms a green beam. Gandalf wipes his forehead_**  
**_with a scarf and wrings it out over the Stone. It opens revealing a patch of_**  
**_miniature raging sea. A blue beam appears._**

**_Boromir has a problem._**

** Boromir  
** (shaking)  
I don't have a light. I stopped smoking  
last week! If we'd come a bit sooner...

**_Legolas pats his pockets, he comes up with a box of matches. There's only_**  
**_one left._**

** Legolas  
** Don't breathe.

**_Boromir and Gandalf hold their breath. Legolas strikes the match. A_**  
**_small flame appears on the tip. A breeze goes through the room. Legolas_**  
**_feels like he's got TNT in his hands. He approaches the flame to the Stone._**  
**_The flame twists, dims, flickers ...but holds on. The Stone opens. A patch_**  
**_of miniature fire appears. Legolas sighs, snuffs out the match. The fourth_**  
**_beam, a red one, immediately forms._**

**270 EXT. SPACE  
**  
**_A mass of fire fills the screen. The Earth is only a thousand miles_**  
**_away._**

**271 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
** SCIENTIST  
** Two more minutes.

**_The President shuts his eyes. His lids move in prayer._**

**272 INT. CHAPEL  
**  
**_Legolas helps Chloe onto her feet where the four beams and four colours_**  
**_crisscross._**

** Legolas  
** It's up to you now, Angel!

** Chloe  
** I'm so tired...

** Legolas  
** You can sleep tomorrow... come on...

** Chloe  
** I want to sleep... forever...

** Legolas  
** Chloe! Listen to me! I'll take you on  
a vacation afterwards! A real vacation,  
this time, for as long as you want.  
Come on! You can do it!

**_Legolas slowly releases Chloe and steps back from the altar._**  
**_Chloe can barely stand in the center of the four beams._**  
**_An indistinct white beam begins to form around her, starts to rise._**

** Gandalf  
** Come on Chloe! Come on!

**_The beam loses its intensity. Chloe crumples to the floor._**

**273 EXT. SPACE  
**  
**_The Dark Planet hurtles toward Earth. A hundred miles before impact._**  
**_The African continent is visible. No doubt about it: The fireball is_**  
**_heading right for Egypt._**

**274 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_Seconds tick away relentlessly on the scientist's stopwatch._**

** SCIENTIST  
** It'll be entering the atmosphere in one  
minute.

**275 INT. CHAPEL  
**  
**_The heat in the temple is unbearable. All the walls start to ooze the_**  
**_same horrible black slimy liquid seen at Saruman's. A drop of liquid falls to_**  
**_the temple floor and begins to smoke, eating away at it like acid._**  
**_Boromir has to dodge another drop of the stuff. Legolas quickly straightens_**  
**_Chloe up and puts her back in the center of the beams._**

** Legolas  
** Chloe! If you don't get on with the  
program we're all gonna die! And that's  
not on my agenda for today.

**_Chloe wraps her arms around Legolas's neck._**

** Chloe  
** (weak)  
What's the use of saving lives...  
when you see what you do with them!

** Legolas  
** You're right but there are lots of good  
things... beautiful things...

** Chloe  
** ...Like love...

** Legolas  
** Exactly.

** Chloe  
** But I don't know love... I'm like a machine  
programmed to save other people's lives but  
never to have one of my own.

**276 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_The Scientist's stopwatch goes from 30 to 29 seconds._**

**277 INT. CHAPEL  
**  
** Chloe  
** I have thousands of memories but none  
of them are mine... There is no need for  
me other than this. I'm a living being I have  
no life.

** Legolas  
** Yes, you do! I need you. More than you  
can imagine! Stand up straight!

** Chloe  
** Why?... Why would you need me?

** Legolas  
** Because...

** Gandalf  
** (to himself)  
Tell her, for God's sake!

**_A bit of the black acid falls on Boromir's shirt setting it on fire. He_**  
**_rips if off._**

** CUT TO:  
**  
**278 INT. CHAPEL  
**  
** Legolas  
** Because...

**_Chloe has tears in her eyes. The heat is overpowering. Black acid is_**  
**_everywhere._**

** Chloe  
** Tell me...

** Legolas  
** I love you...

**_Despite her fatigue, Chloe smiles broadly._**

** CUT TO:  
**  
**278b INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE**

_**The stopwatch goes from 3 to 2.**_

**279 INT. CHAPEL  
**  
** Chloe  
** Now you're allowed to kiss me.

**_- Legolas wraps his arms around her and kisses her like he's never kissed_**  
**_anybody before. - The white beam, the Divine Light, immediately forms_**  
**_around Chloe and Legolas. - The stopwatch hits zero. - The Absolute Beam_**  
**_explodes from the top of the pyramid and heads straight into the sky zapping_**  
**_the fireball smack in the middle, slowing it down. - Legolas and Chloe kiss_**  
**_like there was no tomorrow._**

**_- The beam hardens and slowly solidifies the Evil Planet. Inaudible_**  
**_screeches escape from the dying planet. Screeches of terrifying pain as if a_**  
**_million souls were dying._**

**_- Streams of black acid spurt from the pyramid and solidify like_**  
**_brilliant stalactites._**

**280 EXT. SPACE  
**  
**_The pure beam, the Light of Life, has finished its work. The Dark Planet_**  
**_nothing more than a dead planet._**  
**_Strangely enough, it looks like the moon. Everything is calm around it._**

**281 INT. PRESIDENT'S OFFICE  
**  
**_President Lindberg opens his eyes and realizes he's not dead-_**

** SCIENTIST  
** The planet seems to have stopped at...  
62 miles from impact.

**282 INT. CHAPEL  
**  
**_In the temple, the beam loses its intensity. But Chloe and Legolas_**  
**_remain stuck together, lost in their kiss. Gandalf has dropped to his_**  
**_knees, clutching his hands._**

**_Boromir slips along the wall with a sigh. He gives Gandalf a knowing_**  
**_smile._**

** Boromir  
** This guy is a killer with the babes.  
I knew it from the moment I laid eyes  
on him.

**_Gandalf and Boromir burst out laughing. Legolas and Chloe keep on_**  
**_kissing._**

**283 INT. LABORATORY  
**  
**_We are in the Nucleological Laboratory that gave birth to Chloe in the_**  
**_beginning of our story. The President enters the lab followed by a group_**  
**_of officials in ceremonial dress._**

** MUNRO  
** Mr. President, let me introduce you to  
Professor Mactilburgh, who runs the center.

** MACTILBURGH  
** It's an honor to receive you. Mr. President.

** PRESIDENT  
** (beaming)  
Yes.. Well? Where are our two heroes?

** MACTILBURGH  
** They were so tired from their ordeal that  
we put them in the reactor this morning..

** PRESIDENT  
** I have 19 more meetings after this one  
Professor..

** PROFESSOR  
** Of course.. Let me see if they're revived.

** AIDE  
** We go live in one minute, Mr. President.

**_Mactilburgh goes to the reactor and opens a small slot which allows him_**  
**_to see what is going on under the blue shield._**

**_Chloe and Legolas are naked, arms wrapped around each other, kissing and_**  
**_probably engaged in hoppi hoppa._**  
**_Mactilburgh looks troubled._**

** MACTILBURGH  
** I.. uh.. they need five more minutes,  
Mr. President.

**_The President, pressed for time, looks over to his aide who in struggling_**  
**_with a phone call._**

** AIDE  
** No ma'am... I tried... No ma'am...

** PRESIDENT  
** Who is it?

** AIDE  
** Some woman... claims she's Legolas'  
mother...

** PRESIDENT  
** Give it here...

**_The President takes the phone and goes to the window._**

** PRESIDENT  
** Mrs. Greenleaf, this in the President.  
On behalf of the entire Federation,  
I would like to thank...

** MOTHER (V.O.)  
** Don't pull that crap with me, Aragorn...  
I'd recognize that trash can voice of  
yours in a dark alley during a rain storm.  
You tell that worthless no account son  
of mine he should plotz for the way he's  
ignored his mother... when I think of all I  
sacrificed for him...

**284 EXT. NEW YORK  
**  
**_Outside the lab we see the President through the window, holding the_**  
**_phone away from his ear._**

**THE END  
**


End file.
